End of term review 3.0! – “I hope you don’t grip your fella like that”

gggggooooooooooooodddddd mmmoooooorrrrrrnnnnnniiiiinnnnngggggg

It’s finished! (well hopefully), finally the longest year ever is finished.

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I’ve sat all the exams, done my final rotation and its been a good term overall. Apart from the never ending exam stress sending us all rather insane, made me gain 5 pounds and get drunk really easily

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This term i did 10 weeks on what they call an abdomen firm (piss, shit and vomit to put it nicely)… This basically means EVERYTHING in the abdomen from the nipples to crotch, which is a lot of systems to learn essentially in 7 weeks due to the fact we got NO study leave.

I have really enjoyed this rotation and it has definitely been my favourite, but it’s been a shame to not have more time on it as I’ve LOVED the surgery aspect of it… Even if i got teased and picked on 90% of the time in surgery, which normally was a result of myself making up anatomy in the body… Who knew the liver didn’t have 12 lobes?!

Feelings from all medical students everywhere

It seems all those hours spent watching greys anatomy only helped me on 2 occasions, but still thank you Shonda Rhimes!

 

If you’ve been reading this blog for a long time you’ll probably remember that I don’t exactly have the best track record with the male anatomy and yet again this proved true…

We have to get a genitalia exam signed off, so begrudgingly I went to a clinic where I learnt to do the exam. However the Doctor who was doing it had a ‘lets torture the lesbian med student’ and I ended up holding this guys testicles, then I was told to feel them and look for lumps.
Just to let you know I am a professional so this is fine… HOWEVER, I am rather unaware of my strength at times
So while I was feeling for lumps the patients spoke up
“I hope you don’t do that to your fella”

Safe to say I went bright red moved my hands far away and attempted to mumble a come back. So I then spent the rest of the clinic being ripped to pieces by the doctor

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THE HORROR

Most of the term went without a hitch, It was really enjoyable and I got to do some really cool things. So here are my Abdomen rotation highlight *Cue Montage*:
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1.Spending a day with an anaesthetic consultant who let me intubate and control patient airways (The one thing BIG hands are useful for!)
2.Scrubbing in on surgery and being a glorified retractor holder
3.Spending a night with the surgical F1 clerking in and doing all the bloods on ‘my own’ patients
4.Having some awesome people in my firm – this really is the key i think!
5. Actually feeling like I can manage stuff now and not cowering in the corner when picked on

It’s amazing really how much I’ve changed over this last year, I found it really hard at the start and hated my first rotation (psych/neuro), which made me actually wonder if medicine is for me. But I’ve loved this last one and have seen my confidence grow 10 fold.

Even though the rotations went well there was still the matter of actually having to pass the year and sit the dreaded exams…

First the written exam was 6 hours of hell on one day. Each exam being 3 hours long each with 100 MCQ questions. Naturally with a short attention span and i don’t spend ages on a question as I either know it or I don’t i managed to finish both exams within 90 minutes.

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Which was good, I HATE exams

With the run up to exams we had to get into a clinical skills lab to do numerous skills we could get in our OSCE like: venepuncture, catheterisation, CPR, surgical gowning, BP, rectal exam etc.

However due to the amount of students there was a better chance of finding the Holy Grail that getting a slot in the clinical skills room.

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Therefore, a wonderful (and slightly strange) friend of mine decided to make some homemade catheter models…

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Yes I’m worried for him too

P.s. do not get cannulae and catheter mixed up and tell your friends that they can catheterise you… It will end in a year of teasing with even more proof that you should never become a urologist

Overall the OSCE went okay, it wasn’t fantastic but it wasn’t a complete disaster. I even managed to say my name correctly this year and not call myself a boys name…

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The only complete disaster was psych, and well that was pretty much a fail as soon as the patient told me Mi5 were chasing him.
As well as most of my differential diagnose’s being ‘space occupying lesion somewhere in the brain’… Again I’ve ruled out neurology as a future career

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The problem with the exams is that everyone gets very stressed and the conversations all revolve around revision. I feel sorry for all my family and non-medic friends as the only conversations I could have for a month were like..
“What have you been up to?”
“Revision”
“Cool… Got any nice plans for the weekend?”
“Well I’m taking an exciting trip into the centre of London to a new library”
“Oh… Enjoy!”

I pretty much felt like the most boring person on the planet while having all the feels that I still know absolutely Fuck-all

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Now I am on holiday, well I use holiday as a very loose term as I’m spending more time in hospital working in my holiday than I was in term time… But here’s to 2 weeks time where I will be put out of my misery to find out if I have passed! But you know even if I fuck up there are still plenty of options…

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But, this is a message to all of you people applying for medical school this summer, sitting the entrance exams, writing the personal statements, finding the holy grail, performing brain surgery etc etc.

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Dear First medic year me, welcome to hell: A letter to my pre-medical school self

Hello!

This is you a year from now, like the ghost of medical school future… So please don’t freak out!
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Congratulations on finishing the first week of medical school without a total breakdown, we won’t count the mini breakdown after the “introduction to chemistry lecture”… And no you still don’t fully understand what a mole is, nor will you ever really!

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Welcome to what is going to be the most intense, insane, enjoyable and life affirming year of your life! You will meet some amazing people, you will get utterly confused and your little heart will flutter, you lose all your confidence and then you will gain it backEnjoy the ride while it lasts!

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So back to medical school and actually studying, you will panic, you will not understand 90% of the lectures for the first month and a half (and many more after that), but trust me when I say IT GETS BETTER! Just keep plodding along like you always have done, this year really is a marathon not a sprint. 

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And on the marathon note… No you will not run 5k, you will even learn that running for the bus isn’t really worth it – Your mantra of not running unless being chased, will still firmly be in place

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You will go on some a lot of nights out and subsequently after one of them you will turn up to a dissection session hungover…  And let me tell you now, it doesn’t end well! So please can you just not drink those cheap samba shots. You will thank future me and the toilet later.

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Also please don’t fall asleep on the tube on the way to work and then blame it on Captain Morgan and his ship of spiced rum… You will have a horrific day and then your boss will hate you. This is guess is more just general life advice
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Around Christmas things will start making sense and you will pass your first exam very well and it will give you a boost of confidence you desperately needed!

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After Christmas the work load will increase, but don’t panic and focus on what you need to know now and do not panic about exam content tested in July. Go to the library and work at your own pace, don’t feel pushed into lectures you don’t want to be in

But please please please ask for help! (more life advice) If you need help ask for it- Which, will be on many occasions, also don’t be scared or worried that other people are working a million miles faster than you at the start, they will help you! And by the end of the year you will be caught up with them!

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Also, it is so easily to get caught in a medical bubble, please make sure to deal with stuff as it happens and not leave it all until the summer, you will break a little and it will just explode, and it will be messy. You know what you’re like, please don’t bottle it all up!
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You will owe James your whole first year, you 2 will become unlikely very good friends and study partners working together 6 days a week, eating many a Sainsbury’s ready meal in the GEP room. Enjoy it, you will realise this is the best way for you to revise and that actually all those notes you wrote were semi-usless.

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So I know a lot of this just sounds like gobble-di-gook… But you will understand what I mean as the year goes on… However, here are 10 top tips to survive this year from me, well you but in the future: 

1. Study consistently, don’t let a topic you don’t understand sit there. Take your time and look over it!

2. You don’t have to follow what everyone else does, if you want to go study alone to understand the kidney… DO IT. Don’t sit in a lecture and get angry because you don’t understand it.

3. Keep your sense of humour… Luckily you don’t lose yours

4. Ask for help– I think this is the most important one. If you are struggling in anything whether it be studying, mentally or just something in your life ask for help, talk to someone… It will make everything so much better!

5. Take any opportunity you have and run with it. You will be offered amazing opportunities, make the most of them!

6. Call your parents and old friends more… you will get lost in this medic bubble and then realise it’s been 4 weeks without speaking to someone outside of your London bubble of medicine

7. Chill out every now and again and enjoy life! It is so hard to get caught up in studying to not enjoy yourself. Go on that date, take a weekend off to hang out with friends (Triple check) or go visit the parentals for some well needed TLC

8. Make a good impressions with staff, it will go a long way and help massively when getting jobs and stuff done!

9. You will look at 18 year olds and go “really was I like this”… well apart from using the penis shaped beer bong in the SU, you were a little… But there will be some good ones in amongst that bunch!

10. Think of witty remarks to use when people question your undergraduate degree. You will always get asked what you did first before medicine being a GEP, when you say disaster management you will get one of 3 responses… learn to embrace the wankers who ask “How is that a real degree”

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But chuck, well done!! You do actually PASS the year, and you exceed your expectations by far getting a 63% average… well done! and please please please remember about the samba shots 

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Apparently it’s a lot more complicated than… “The arm bones connected to the hand bone”: Welcome to medical school…

Ggggggoooooodddd mooooorrrrnnnniiiiinnnngggg…

Busy

Busy is the word to describe these past 3/4 weeks…

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I’m officially a medical student and my god it feels good (most of the time)!

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However…Being of the non science variety  I’ve ocassionaly often very often been sitting in the lectures and looking at the lecturers like they are speaking parseltongue to me…

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Every few days i get that existential crisis – usually looking at an anatomical image of the arm and then soon after realising that it is in fact a lot more complicated than just

“The arm bone’s connected to the wrist bone… the wrist bone’s connected to the finger bones”

 

Lying bastards

So onto the fun stuff… Freshers week…

Having done several of these before I thought of myself of a seasoned expert, All of us were up for showing these 18 year olds how to truly drink…

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Well… It definitely started off with a bang… My house (Further known as 42B) mates and I sat in our onesies, eating mexican food while watching Great British Bake Off

All you need to do is throw in a few cats and we’d be set for life…

She's my new Nigella

She’s my new Nigella…

In all fairness freshers week did get better and involved 12 hours of drinking on a monday… Quite frankly my memory after about 8pm is foggy but from what I can gather…

A few of us decided in a drunken state of mind (having drank since 3pm) that going to the freshers party was a good idea…

2 boat races/waterfalls

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3 rounds of beer pong

AND

2 hours of ‘twat dancing’ – a true phenomenon… trust me

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When they say hangovers get worse with age they aren’t kidding… The worst bit was that I was still drunk until about 11am and the hangover set in quite nicely in the middle of an anatomy lecture…

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Quite possibly the most horrific hangover in recent times… And we had to do dissection…

Formaldehyde and a hangover aren’t a good combination…

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I still havent got used to calling myself a medical student… People ask me what I am doing in London and I have to remember I am actually a medical student and not just pissing about working in retail at the weekends and spending way too much money…

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However… There are certain situations where you should NEVER and i mean NEVER tell people you are a medical student… Trust me I’ve learnt the hard way..

 Most recently in the hairdressers…

After telling the hairdresser I was a medical student she proceeded to tell me about her leaking nipple/pussy abscess on her breast… Which then turned into the all the client (mostly elderly) telling me about their various complaints…

Why yes they are salad tongs...

Why yes they are salad tongs…

I don’t know how many times I had to repeat “You should go and se your GP”

The worst bit is that they have Scissors... and razors… and god knows what else so there is literally no escape…

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I contemplated bolting for the door, but the lady with the leaky nipple and the scissors had some force over me, so I sucked it up like a (Wo)MAN and attempted to change the conversation to Kim Kasabain (Who is she??) or something from Love It magazine…

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So I’ve (again… for the 50th time) started eating healthily every day… Even a box of salad for lunch!

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Well it’s a good start…

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Until next time I leave you with this…

What did I… THEY fall on?

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To infinity and beyonnnddddddd