End of rotation review: I’m going to hell and hell is where I am being made to run a 5K

Gggggggooooooooooooooooddddddd  mmmmooorrrnnnniiinnnnggg

Long time no see…

Time has literally flown these past few months with finishing off my first clinical placement in psychiatry and neurology

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There have been some ups and some downs, but I’m finally nearing the end of the placement and a 16 week term. It’s been a long ass term! But mostly enjoyable none the less.

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Psychiatry has been a hard one to start with I won’t lie, mid-term I did feel myself going a little bit crazy and diagnosing myself with pretty much any kind of personality disorder possible, as well as being all of 10 seconds away from pulling up a bed in the psych ward.

Screen Shot 2014-12-10 at 23.59.03 But there were some pretty interesting patients, including an elderly gentlemen who was having religious delusions, took one look at me and shouted

“You are a non-believer, a sinner and going to hell”

Quite frankly I don’t think he was that delusional.

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But apart from that it’s been a good experience. I’ve fully mastered the art of being the awkward looking medical student attempting to look vaguely busy, as well as being the student who manages to make up an extra cranial nerve due to adding a 13th word into the dirty mnemonic AND accidentally set off the panic alarm in the community psych building causing 6 members of staff to come running… Sorry!

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 But its the end of the rotation and I still feel as thought I know NOTHING…

Apart from I know a few things about ridiculously rare diseases due to my placement being in a tertiary centre, so I can actually say watching all seasons of House 3 times over has helped me in medical school… thank you Hugh Laurie

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Really its just been a long slog, an enjoyable one, I’ve pretty much ruled out neuro and more than definitely ruled out psych as possible future career choices, they just aren’t really for me. But with the placement and the studying comes the fun stuff! And there has been some fun stuff… That mostly revolved around alcohol, the invention of RUMBONGO (Rum+Umbongo) and trying to reinstate some sort of romantic/sex life hahahaha, which obviously failed rather miserably…

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To the point where family members have asked me if I’ve considered using online dating and I secretly have to say no and take tinder off my home page on my phone.

I also decided to take a mini holiday mid term. Mainly for my mental health/sanity, but that long weekend turned into a week of playing with a puppy and wondering why Cornwall only had 8 people on tinder at a 20 mile radius.

BUT LOOK AT THE PUPPY

BUT LOOK AT THE PUPPY… SO SO SO CUTE

But mostly my extracurriculars have revolved around a bottle of wine and being asked to be quiet due to playing cards against humanity in a public place (P.s. Not a good EC to put on a personal statement)

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But now I actually need to start exercising, my ridiculously sporty (well she runs and pays sport for fun) was going for a place in the marathon, and I stupidly said:

“Oh if you get a place on the marathon I will run a 5K”

Thinking no chance in hell it will happen… But guess what… She got a place

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So now it looks like I actually need to go out and invest in a sports bra/torture device and some trainers as apparently converse aren’t suitable running shoes.

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So that’s really my last term, a bit boring really?
It’s really been a term of settling into this new medical student lifestyle

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But honestly the top tips for surviving Psych and neuro are:

1. Don’t self diagnose yourself with EVERY psychiatric condition going or MS anytime a muscle twitches… Well try not too…

2. Most of the questions in neuro can be answered with “I don’t know/understand/care”

3. Learn the god dam cranial nerves and not have to mime the Oh,Oh,Oh, to touch and feel… Every single time

4. Be nice to the nurses, they are amazing and your friends

5. Be nice to your consultant and laugh at his slightly disturbing jokes

6. Do not leave a 5000 word SSC to do the week before the deadline

7. There are always other students going through something similar to you… Don’t be afraid to talk to them and admit when you need help

8. Patients are humans too

9. Try and enjoy it as much as you can and take the opportunities available

Until next time… Merry Christmas

Screen Shot 2014-12-11 at 00.23.41Also well done WordPress for not recognising neuro and wanting to correct it too…

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The perilous adventure of a hungover medical student: The Rum Chronicals (With added Spice)

ggggggooooooooooooddddddd mmoooorrrrnnnniiiinnnngggg

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I’m well into my 3rd month of being a medical student… On my second folder of lecture notes/important stuff and so far no major disasters apart from possibly this weekend at work…

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For who I’d like to thank Captain Morgans spiced rum for my horrific Saturday (and Sunday) at work…

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I fell asleep on the tube, like full on blacked out asleep and woke up at the end of the metropolitan line, completely dazed and no knowing where I was.

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During this “Special time” I had a very nice man guide me to the correct train back towards my place of work who nicely told me “Have a cup of coffee and not to fall asleep and get lost again”

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Luckily, special moment aside I was only 45 minutes late and even offered to work late/through my lunch break, but due to my boss having literally NO sense of humour, the day got worse

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We have these “Naughty girl” late slips at work and you have to fill in the excuse so only telling the truth like the angel Or in my post alcoholic delusional state  I put down as my reason for being late as:

Captain Morgans spiced Rum…

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It was literally as if I had killed his puppy… The world around me exploded…

Safe to say my notice is handed in and I’ll be leaving by x-mas…

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Well apart from that minor disaster, it’s been a fun month! 

I’ve had to learn so so so so so much, my brain is exploding, I’m forgetting how to spell my name and do simple things. Multitasking is proving difficult… 

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There are only so many Dirty pneumonic I can remember!!

I’m actually learning too much and it’s in Latin too!
I feel like I’ve actually been educated at a school where people don’t set fire to the tree line because they’ve been caught smoking a joint or draw a giant penis on a ceiling of a classroom or the rugby field…
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I actually feel slightly smart… and getting 74% in a recent coursework as bought back my faith in actually passing this year!

Self high five!!

Self high five!!

But if medical school doesn’t work out I have my plan B ready and waiting…

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50 shades of heart disease: I clearly do so much at work…

Here’s just hoping that I can survive these last 6/7 weeks of term until Christmas… Roll on Christmas break! Even if we have a fucking exam on January 3rdBastards!
Well lets give this last month a quick summary…

Amount of times I’ve cursed biochemistry and its complete ability to make any sort of sense to me: 1000’s (Don’t even mention Histology… It’s all too frikin PINK!)

Times I got drunk: 4

Started-on by members of the Netball team: 1

Number of Times I “Shat myself” from being started on my numerous netball girls: 1

Money spent: fuck knows

Amount of times nearly fired from being a retail slave: 2

Number of times I’ve thought holy shit what am I doing here: Daily

ppphhfffff, I need a new job – Anyone know anything about tutoring or freelance in London?

… Until Next time!

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Apparently it’s a lot more complicated than… “The arm bones connected to the hand bone”: Welcome to medical school…

Ggggggoooooodddd mooooorrrrnnnniiiiinnnngggg…

Busy

Busy is the word to describe these past 3/4 weeks…

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I’m officially a medical student and my god it feels good (most of the time)!

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However…Being of the non science variety  I’ve ocassionaly often very often been sitting in the lectures and looking at the lecturers like they are speaking parseltongue to me…

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Every few days i get that existential crisis – usually looking at an anatomical image of the arm and then soon after realising that it is in fact a lot more complicated than just

“The arm bone’s connected to the wrist bone… the wrist bone’s connected to the finger bones”

 

Lying bastards

So onto the fun stuff… Freshers week…

Having done several of these before I thought of myself of a seasoned expert, All of us were up for showing these 18 year olds how to truly drink…

Proud high five

Well… It definitely started off with a bang… My house (Further known as 42B) mates and I sat in our onesies, eating mexican food while watching Great British Bake Off

All you need to do is throw in a few cats and we’d be set for life…

She's my new Nigella

She’s my new Nigella…

In all fairness freshers week did get better and involved 12 hours of drinking on a monday… Quite frankly my memory after about 8pm is foggy but from what I can gather…

A few of us decided in a drunken state of mind (having drank since 3pm) that going to the freshers party was a good idea…

2 boat races/waterfalls

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3 rounds of beer pong

AND

2 hours of ‘twat dancing’ – a true phenomenon… trust me

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When they say hangovers get worse with age they aren’t kidding… The worst bit was that I was still drunk until about 11am and the hangover set in quite nicely in the middle of an anatomy lecture…

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Quite possibly the most horrific hangover in recent times… And we had to do dissection…

Formaldehyde and a hangover aren’t a good combination…

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I still havent got used to calling myself a medical student… People ask me what I am doing in London and I have to remember I am actually a medical student and not just pissing about working in retail at the weekends and spending way too much money…

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However… There are certain situations where you should NEVER and i mean NEVER tell people you are a medical student… Trust me I’ve learnt the hard way..

 Most recently in the hairdressers…

After telling the hairdresser I was a medical student she proceeded to tell me about her leaking nipple/pussy abscess on her breast… Which then turned into the all the client (mostly elderly) telling me about their various complaints…

Why yes they are salad tongs...

Why yes they are salad tongs…

I don’t know how many times I had to repeat “You should go and se your GP”

The worst bit is that they have Scissors... and razors… and god knows what else so there is literally no escape…

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I contemplated bolting for the door, but the lady with the leaky nipple and the scissors had some force over me, so I sucked it up like a (Wo)MAN and attempted to change the conversation to Kim Kasabain (Who is she??) or something from Love It magazine…

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So I’ve (again… for the 50th time) started eating healthily every day… Even a box of salad for lunch!

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Well it’s a good start…

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Until next time I leave you with this…

What did I… THEY fall on?

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To infinity and beyonnnddddddd

“This is not the walk of shame this is the walk of pure victory”

Gggggooooooooooooooooddddd Morning…

photoshop for the win

I’m getting better at using photoshop…

It’s now under a week until I actually get to call myself a medical student….

 

surprise cat

Holy frikin shit

AND get my horrific passport picture put on an ID card (for the next 4 years!) I’m starting to get nervous…

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I feel like I have a few days to grow up… I now have a (weekend) job (albeit in slave labour errr… Retail) and I have 4 years of medical school ahead of me… The title of the degree is GRADUATE entry medicine… It’s that word… Graduate, it’s starting to make me freak out…

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Not you Callie you’re perfect

It’s not only that! People are getting married, friends are starting to have kids and are even buying houses…

Yes I like gif's now...

Yes I like gif’s now…

Then I’m sitting here still trying to master the science behind keeping my dignity after a bottle of wine or a one night stand…

But in all honest the thought of renting out my womb to a tiny human horrifies me… Plus I’d need to be getting laid by a viable mate of the male species – Like that’ll happen any time soon…

But, I am LOVING London life. Apart from the ridiculous price of booze and hideous amount of tourists in Primark It was like a frikin zoo!!!

 I just wanted some pillows…

you go Grandma

you go Grandma

But the highlight was when I was queuing like a proper Brit and I over heard someone shout

“I THREW MY PIE FOR YOU”

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It broke me… literally broke me, I couldn’t stop laughing – my faith in humanity had been restored temporarily, until I had to exit Primark – which is NOT an easy task, I felt like I was in the final of the tri-wizard tournament

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After the stress of shopping I decided to go out for ONE (Yeah that never happens) drink with some friends and others…

One turned into twotwo turned into liver failure and I found myself back on the tube at 8.30am the next day…

cat giving up

 

It’s truely a sobering moment when you have to admit to the man on the tube that this is infact the “walk of victory and not the walk of shame” while similtaniously attempting to keep down the litre of Lucozade I chugged in a last-ditch attempt to give me some energy and sobriety before I stepped on to the moving inferno that is the tube…

Piper shuAfter 2 stops I needed to be let off that tube A-SAP… There was a high ‘chunder possibility’… I would in all honestly rather pull a 12 hour shift in the Oxford street Primark than go through that again..

I don't think I have a choice...

I don’t think I have a choice…

Well, currently the police are outside my house after a large fight down the road… I’m starting to rethink the “I don’t live in Tower Hamlets… I live in *Insert Vaguely better area here*” statement I say a lot…

It’s ok I have my alibi sorted…

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Until next time…

Tequila is the Devil, driving in London is like dancing with the devil and paintballing in 32 degrees (hungover) is hell

Goooooood  mmmmmooooorrrrrnnnnniiiinnnngggg

Yes that is my skeleton

How I felt on Saturday…

I hope no one has to feel the agony of the hangover I had the other saturday morning… Literally the worst hangover in my 22.5 years on this planet.

There was an orange bucket that got bleached very well…

Barry Scott I choose you....

Barry Scott I choose you….

I have learnt some valuable lessons these last few weeks:

Tequila is my enemy until further notice

Screen shot 2013-07-19 at 00.10.19– I have a tendency to get very handsy while drunk

Screen shot 2013-08-05 at 01.03.58 – I also tend to take lots photo’s when I am drunk (that I then subsequently find the next day…)
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Paintballing hurts… And I mean it hurts… A LOT

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I literally looked like Edward Cullens breakfast the next day… So many bruises

– And London is freekin awesome

Did I mention I’ve moved to the big smoke???

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Have I also said how AWESOME it is… Also a holla to my lovely awesome house mates…

For a bonding session and only meeting one of my housemates for about 1 hour…. We went to Holi festival…

For those of you who don’t know, read this [Holi festival], but the condensed version is that it’s a big festival where you throw paint… Well it’s meant to be powder… But that clearly didnt happen…

Yes this is a chest shot....

Yes this is a chest shot….

2 days later and I’m still finding pink paint in my nose and ears…

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Have any of you seen Orange is the new black????

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Please say you have… if you havent you NEED to watch it…

It’s pretty much making me want to commit a crime and go to Jail like Grey’s Anatomy persuaded me to got to medical school…

oh Alex Vause...

oh Alex Vause… you are just… 

Yeah that definitely wasn’t in my personal statement…

But seriously watch it…. 

It’s literally now 3 weeks until I start medical school and it’s slowly sinking in what I’ve let myself in for… Especially after receiving my timetable…

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So let’s see what the next week brings… I’m currently at (my new) home without a voice (again!) browsing the internet

So please send me nice things… Pizza or Bacon are both good!

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Does yourself count??