End of rotation review: I’m going to hell and hell is where I am being made to run a 5K

Gggggggooooooooooooooooddddddd  mmmmooorrrnnnniiinnnnggg

Long time no see…

Time has literally flown these past few months with finishing off my first clinical placement in psychiatry and neurology

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There have been some ups and some downs, but I’m finally nearing the end of the placement and a 16 week term. It’s been a long ass term! But mostly enjoyable none the less.

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Psychiatry has been a hard one to start with I won’t lie, mid-term I did feel myself going a little bit crazy and diagnosing myself with pretty much any kind of personality disorder possible, as well as being all of 10 seconds away from pulling up a bed in the psych ward.

Screen Shot 2014-12-10 at 23.59.03 But there were some pretty interesting patients, including an elderly gentlemen who was having religious delusions, took one look at me and shouted

“You are a non-believer, a sinner and going to hell”

Quite frankly I don’t think he was that delusional.

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But apart from that it’s been a good experience. I’ve fully mastered the art of being the awkward looking medical student attempting to look vaguely busy, as well as being the student who manages to make up an extra cranial nerve due to adding a 13th word into the dirty mnemonic AND accidentally set off the panic alarm in the community psych building causing 6 members of staff to come running… Sorry!

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 But its the end of the rotation and I still feel as thought I know NOTHING…

Apart from I know a few things about ridiculously rare diseases due to my placement being in a tertiary centre, so I can actually say watching all seasons of House 3 times over has helped me in medical school… thank you Hugh Laurie

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Really its just been a long slog, an enjoyable one, I’ve pretty much ruled out neuro and more than definitely ruled out psych as possible future career choices, they just aren’t really for me. But with the placement and the studying comes the fun stuff! And there has been some fun stuff… That mostly revolved around alcohol, the invention of RUMBONGO (Rum+Umbongo) and trying to reinstate some sort of romantic/sex life hahahaha, which obviously failed rather miserably…

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To the point where family members have asked me if I’ve considered using online dating and I secretly have to say no and take tinder off my home page on my phone.

I also decided to take a mini holiday mid term. Mainly for my mental health/sanity, but that long weekend turned into a week of playing with a puppy and wondering why Cornwall only had 8 people on tinder at a 20 mile radius.

BUT LOOK AT THE PUPPY

BUT LOOK AT THE PUPPY… SO SO SO CUTE

But mostly my extracurriculars have revolved around a bottle of wine and being asked to be quiet due to playing cards against humanity in a public place (P.s. Not a good EC to put on a personal statement)

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But now I actually need to start exercising, my ridiculously sporty (well she runs and pays sport for fun) was going for a place in the marathon, and I stupidly said:

“Oh if you get a place on the marathon I will run a 5K”

Thinking no chance in hell it will happen… But guess what… She got a place

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So now it looks like I actually need to go out and invest in a sports bra/torture device and some trainers as apparently converse aren’t suitable running shoes.

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So that’s really my last term, a bit boring really?
It’s really been a term of settling into this new medical student lifestyle

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But honestly the top tips for surviving Psych and neuro are:

1. Don’t self diagnose yourself with EVERY psychiatric condition going or MS anytime a muscle twitches… Well try not too…

2. Most of the questions in neuro can be answered with “I don’t know/understand/care”

3. Learn the god dam cranial nerves and not have to mime the Oh,Oh,Oh, to touch and feel… Every single time

4. Be nice to the nurses, they are amazing and your friends

5. Be nice to your consultant and laugh at his slightly disturbing jokes

6. Do not leave a 5000 word SSC to do the week before the deadline

7. There are always other students going through something similar to you… Don’t be afraid to talk to them and admit when you need help

8. Patients are humans too

9. Try and enjoy it as much as you can and take the opportunities available

Until next time… Merry Christmas

Screen Shot 2014-12-11 at 00.23.41Also well done WordPress for not recognising neuro and wanting to correct it too…

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“No I’ve not been kicked out of medical school, It was a facebook rape… NO I haven’t been raped, my facebook was…”

gggggooooooooooooooddddd mmmoooorrrrnnnnnniiiinnnnngggg

Christmas is nearly here!!! And in 42B we are getting into the spirit…

It's mazing what avoidance tactics are used when faced with neurology

It’s amazing what avoidance tactics are used when faced with neurology

But Christmas being nearly here is also a sign of some other not so pleasant things…. Exams…

The stress eating has started

murder and food

The Greggs around the corner from my house is a dangerous place… You know it’s getting bad when the lady in there knows all the local students by the appearance of just complete exhaustion and the lack of personal hygiene

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There comes a point where the only social activity outside the house is going for a quick beer or to Tesco to buy more carbs… And even then the guilt sets in and all of a sudden your brain fires a question like…

What’s your 4th cranial nerve?????

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It’s horrible… The only way to suppress it is by drinking!

During one of these outings into the general public I was facebook raped… Otherwise known as fraped, by a wonderful friend of mine…

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My phone had 10% battery and leaving it on the table to go to the toilet was a mistake on my part because I came back and within 10 minutes of sitting down I had 6 messages and 4 texts asking if it was true…

I’m not sure what’s worse… The fact that people believe that I would get kicked out or that I’d be a STRIPPER in East London…

story of my life

If anything I’d be a high class escort

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I’ve also got myself in a fair few awkward encounters recently, which has involved me making up over 5 excuses to not get naked with someone… Or show them my preparation run of leguary during movember

scared-and-horny

I also did karaoke… In the hospital’s bar… Singing Call me maybe… And made it home in time to sleep for 5 hours before dragging my clearly hung over arse into work

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I think I’m growing up a little, trying out being professional and using some self-control so I don’t make so much of a complete fool of myself!

But that will be next time… Because I have an exam in approximately 24ish hours and a households worth of carbs to consume in this time…

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But if I don’t manage to post anything before then

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Dear Madam? Dear Stripper? Dear Stripper lady? – please delete my browser history…

Good morning campers

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With not much happening in my life these past few weeks, i think my IQ has dropped a good 30-50 points…

the reason behind this is the fact that I’ve watched enough extreme couponing, honey boo boo and made in Chelsea to make anyone’s brain implode I even heard myself say “Shuuuttt uppp” like i was from Essex…

I’m addicted to extreme couponing, this program essentially is full of women with OCD buying 250 packets of tampons just because they can for free – It makes me feel rather well adjusted when I hear some lady say:

H..O..T

“Couponing is like my version of crack, If I had to go to Rehab, I’d do a Lindsey Lohan and quit…” 

LOVE this show…
It takes me to a special place

But… you know you’ve reached that ultimate special place when you get excited that there is an episode of extreme couponing with honey boo-boo

I think my IQ just dropped 20 points...

 

However in other new’s, where it looks like I actually have a life….

I am currently organising my besties Hen do… I’ve had to research strippers, my google history is horrific, I’m seriously thinking of investing in one of these…

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I recently spent 45 minutes trying to work up the courage to email a stripper… I mean how do you start that email??
Dear Madam?
Dear stripper?
Dear *insert very obviously their stripper name here*?

I’m confused! I needed help… I may of asked a few people…I think I’m being judged by a few too many people now…

story of my life

story of my life

Did you know that Graduate medicine applicants is exactly 1 year old this month :O

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If this was a child it’d be crawling, drooling and being a pain in the ass.

To celebrate, I’ve been challenged by a lovely message off someone (who actually reads this) to do the 30 question challenge… I am neither 15 or an emo and my attention span is next to nothing so i will do the first 5…

So here it goes the 30 15 5 day (In about 15 mins) challenge… Woooo

1. Weird things you do when you’re alone.

Shit me… This could literally take up a whole blog post… SO I decided to consult some of my friends…

I love my friends

I love my friends

I think that really summarises it….

2. How have you changed in the past 2 years?

Oooh, this is a more serious one… I’ve ‘grown up’, as hard as that is to believe!
I’m doing what I want to do with my life
When I want to do it
I’m more confident 
And ultimately being who and what I am

 

3. What kind of person attracts you.

Confident, a little bit weird, some one who can put up with me and someone I can talk to for hours – such a girly response…
Oh and hot – you’ve got to be a bit shallow

Nigella.... Why must you tease me...

Nigella is back on the market! GET IN!

4. What you wear to bed.
Naked… Or because people in my house have this wonderful habit of letting themselves into my room at 8am (dad) I wear my scrubs or a large T-shirt…

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5. 5 things that irritate you about the opposite sex/same sex.
I’ll just pick the one sex to do…… Girls!!

– The need to ALL have to go to the toilet/bar/changing room at the same time… I’m female and still this bemuses me

– The need to follow the crowd and not be yourself – by this I mean everything from fashion, to music and attitude.

– Confidence!!! You are allowed confidence so please take it! Be individual not a sheep

– Being dependant on a boyfriend/man… I’m not a raving feminist, but seriously… The amount of friends that disappear as soon as they get a boyfriend – The sex better be REALLY good

– Duck pouts… Need I say more

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I’ve literally just got home from a hen do… I think I’m dying, that will be updated soon.

I don’t intend on moving ever again… Or drinking…

Who decided paintball was a good idea??

Who decided paintballing was a good idea??

 

“If you’re bad at dancing, you’re bad at sex…” It’s just a rumour… I swear!

So I’ve decided since I’m barely employed and have not much todo before med school, each week is going to have an interesting theme…

This week is health kick week

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So to begin with is the healthy diet… And by ‘healthy diet’ I mean I’ve gone from ordering the Gormet Chicken Burger to a plain chicken burger at Wetherspoons, baby steps people… baby steps

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In all fairness I do eat healthily 80% (ish) of the time, I’ve enjoyed learning to cook properly without cremating a dish… I’ve learnt to put the correct amount of chilli in a curry dish without having to have my mouth on a glass of ice for 30 minutes… (A horrific true story)

Doing a dare in Ukraine...

Doing a dare in Ukraine…

And to go along with this healthy eating plan I’ve decided to properly start exercising…. Therefore, the other day I decided to go swimming and when I got to the delights of the local swimming baths and realised I hadn’t shaved my legs in over 10 days…

Horrified, absolutely horrified…

I don’t know what was more disturbing the fact that my legs looked like they belong in a teen wolf horror story… 

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Or the fact that I haven’t needed to shave them for a long time (I’m blaming it on the weather… Honest)

I think I also need a hepatitis B test after seeing some of the vermin delights of Coventry in there…

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Trying to find a way of exercising I like and preferably good at is proving harder than finding the holy grail – or getting tweeted back by a cast member of Greys anatomy

Absolute cock/clit tease...

Absolute cock/clit tease…

I’ve tried numerous sports: football, roller derby (It scared me and full of those non meat eating folk judging my high bacon intake!) and even once played rugby… That was HORRIFIC – tackled by a 6ft2″ monster and I couldn’t move a muscle the next day.

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However… I can drink a fair amount and it seems that the social norm after a few drinks is to get sweaty and get ‘down low’ with ‘peeps’ in a club… But, I literally can’t dance and I have NO excuse. I even was forced into Ballet classes for a year as a kid

Good toes... Naughty toes... Oh fuck it I wanted to climb a tree!

Good toes… Naughty toes… Oh fuck it I wanted to            climb a tree!

I am ambidextrous – I can write/throw and be very talented with both hands.

But, when I dance I look like a cross between David Brent and that pervy uncle at the wedding that no-one wants to go near…

But I heard a rumour… And I will say this is a RUMOUR… One night in a club 

“If you suck at dancing you will suck at sex” 

Shock... just utter denial and shock

I literally stood there with a panic striken look on my face…
I then made the mistake of looking at the throngs of women that can get with shorty down low and coordinate their limbs properly….

Again… I must stipulate, this is just a rumourI can get references to dispel this rumour!

Just aswell I'm a lefty....

Just aswell I’m a lefty….

Who needs to be able to dance anyway….I have other skills! I know all the lyrics to S Club 7’s Reach and other utterly useful (and rather gay) things…

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I like team sports, I do – because it takes the pressure off my looking like a total tool if there are at least 6 other people on the team… But there are always people who should never play team sports, like EVER…

I remember as a kid having to play football and the team was full of ‘footballing prodigies’ and girls with ego’s to big to fit through the changing room door… But, one girl – lets call her Regina (Evil sounding name right?)

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She worked so poorly in a team.. It was all or nothing with her… she was THE BOSS, the supreme sporty god – Well she is a PE teacher now so…

But still, I’ve never met someone short of a North Korean Dictator who works that poorly with others…

Well I’ll keep working on the exercise and the healthy… For this week anyway…

3 months to go until medical school… Not that I’m counting down or anything…

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Please apply within…

Supply teaching, Secondary school and Sex education… Use a condom or you will die (or breed and we don’t want that!)

Why do weekends go so fast???

I turned old at the weekend, it hurts inside to think I’m gaining further ground into my 20’s… However, I went out in style… Well I wouldn’t exactly say style…

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The room we booked did look like something out of a dodgy B rate horror movie… It was a SHIT hole, and I’ve stayed on some shit holes! (see travelling trunchbull post).

Apparently I'm irresistible to autocorrect... Who can blame it to be honest

Apparently I’m irresistible to autocorrect… Who can blame it to be honest

Awesome weekend, you know it’s good when the nutritional content of my liquid diet included apples, pears, cranberry juice and orange juice (apparently cherry sourz doesn’t count??)

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Well… This week while I wait for Newcastle to get back to me with what I am guessing is a rejection. I have started me new job and OH DEAR GOD… One week in and I needed a bucket of wine… Or a Gallon, which ever is bigger.

 

Let it overflow...

                                               Let it overflow…

Supply teaching secondary kids is bad enough… But then they make me do sex education , there is not enough money in the world to do that to be honest, at what can be described as an animal enclosure of a school… (the joys of supply teaching)

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The following questions were asked…

1. Can oral sex get a girl pregnant?

2. Miss, do you taste poo when rimming?

3. What STD can make my knob fall off?

 

AND I got asked about my (albeit lacking) sex life!!! How do you answer to some future Jeremy Kyle contestants (one kid told me about his brother who went on!) about “the last time you got a good pounding??“… Seriously?!  FYI… too long ago

This is depressing me on so many levels...

This is depressing on so many levels…

I wish I could have just thrown them a copy of Fifty shades of grey and told them to get on with it… (Why is there no audio book edition!?!?)

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After this week I’ve never EVER been so glad I’m going to be a Doctor, I can deal with bodily fluid, emergencies, trauma, exploding testicles (Haiti)… But a class of 30 hormonally charged kids urrghhhh!!!

Until next time… Here is hoping I have some good news!!

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Ok maybe not that good…

Burn you bra’s ladies and let freedom ring: The Jobcenter, Medical school and my complete failure of a sex life

So… Lets get the main news out the way first…

I MOTHER TRUCKING GOT INTO MEDICAL SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m going to be a Doctor… That’s really scary.. Like they want me to look after people and be professional?!?!? and not play pretend or dress as a slutty Doctor 

Addison.... Need I say anymore

Addison…. Need I say anymore

So the interviews went alright, this is the shock because I said some rather… errrr… bad/interesting?? things??

My Favourite thing in my interview was talking about mass fatalities and the interviewer asked me: “How did you handle the dead bodies?”

“Well….

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…eeerrrr Carefully?”

Luckily that was satisfactory because I GOT A PLACE THERE!!! I was in shock and had to get 5 people to check if it was true… So I am on the 4 year graduate entry course!!! ahhhh

BUT

Being back in the UK I am so so so so so so BORED…

I spent the vast majority of the day not wearing a bra and I haven’t shaved my legs in 2.5 weeks… I’m not a burn you bra let freedom ring feminist I’m just unemployed..

Let freedom ring...

Ladies let them fly… Mine might knock a few people out!

So… on the scale of Kate middleton to chewbacca (On public presentable-ness) I’m about a 5 leaning towards a 6 at the moment…

Sorry Chewwie

Sorry Chewwie

Being unemployed sucks…  I am bored, skint, restless, idle and I had to face the scary scary place that is the job center plus the other day… It really was a dear diary moment…

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But at least my Adviser is HHHOOOOTTTT, like really hot… (Where is my incentive to get a job!)

Nigella.... Why must you tease me...

Nigella…. Why must you tease me…

BUT to actually get the money from the tax payerBearing in mind I am calling this a refund due to being raped by the Taxman in my last job (As a student!!) – I have to apply to 3 jobs a week…

This is actually my application... How many fucks do I give?

This is actually my application… How many fucks do I give? (P.s. excuse the dead bodies book in the top corner)

I’m actually waiting for my CRB to come back to start a real job in the next few weeks, but in the mean time I have to do that kind of crap/’Professional development’ above to satisfy the job center.

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Those applications above I actually sent to Next… It wasn’t my application form that didn’t get me any further it was a frikin questionnaire on customer service!!! 

I don’t know what is more depressing: the fact that I am on call on valentines day OR that I have a degree/got into medical school and have 5 years of retail experience but i fail a MULTIPLE CHOICE customer service test…


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Finally….

Lent… that time of year when you try to give something up, personally I call it the second wave of new years resolutions…My little cousin showed me a list of things that she could give up for lent (things like hitting people, chocolate, cake etc) I need to do the same… ANY suggestions??? 39 days left…

Until next time…

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(Maybe that’s what I need to give up for lent…..)