End of term review 3.0! – “I hope you don’t grip your fella like that”

gggggooooooooooooodddddd mmmoooooorrrrrrnnnnnniiiiinnnnngggggg

It’s finished! (well hopefully), finally the longest year ever is finished.

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I’ve sat all the exams, done my final rotation and its been a good term overall. Apart from the never ending exam stress sending us all rather insane, made me gain 5 pounds and get drunk really easily

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This term i did 10 weeks on what they call an abdomen firm (piss, shit and vomit to put it nicely)… This basically means EVERYTHING in the abdomen from the nipples to crotch, which is a lot of systems to learn essentially in 7 weeks due to the fact we got NO study leave.

I have really enjoyed this rotation and it has definitely been my favourite, but it’s been a shame to not have more time on it as I’ve LOVED the surgery aspect of it… Even if i got teased and picked on 90% of the time in surgery, which normally was a result of myself making up anatomy in the body… Who knew the liver didn’t have 12 lobes?!

Feelings from all medical students everywhere

It seems all those hours spent watching greys anatomy only helped me on 2 occasions, but still thank you Shonda Rhimes!

 

If you’ve been reading this blog for a long time you’ll probably remember that I don’t exactly have the best track record with the male anatomy and yet again this proved true…

We have to get a genitalia exam signed off, so begrudgingly I went to a clinic where I learnt to do the exam. However the Doctor who was doing it had a ‘lets torture the lesbian med student’ and I ended up holding this guys testicles, then I was told to feel them and look for lumps.
Just to let you know I am a professional so this is fine… HOWEVER, I am rather unaware of my strength at times
So while I was feeling for lumps the patients spoke up
“I hope you don’t do that to your fella”

Safe to say I went bright red moved my hands far away and attempted to mumble a come back. So I then spent the rest of the clinic being ripped to pieces by the doctor

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THE HORROR

Most of the term went without a hitch, It was really enjoyable and I got to do some really cool things. So here are my Abdomen rotation highlight *Cue Montage*:
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1.Spending a day with an anaesthetic consultant who let me intubate and control patient airways (The one thing BIG hands are useful for!)
2.Scrubbing in on surgery and being a glorified retractor holder
3.Spending a night with the surgical F1 clerking in and doing all the bloods on ‘my own’ patients
4.Having some awesome people in my firm – this really is the key i think!
5. Actually feeling like I can manage stuff now and not cowering in the corner when picked on

It’s amazing really how much I’ve changed over this last year, I found it really hard at the start and hated my first rotation (psych/neuro), which made me actually wonder if medicine is for me. But I’ve loved this last one and have seen my confidence grow 10 fold.

Even though the rotations went well there was still the matter of actually having to pass the year and sit the dreaded exams…

First the written exam was 6 hours of hell on one day. Each exam being 3 hours long each with 100 MCQ questions. Naturally with a short attention span and i don’t spend ages on a question as I either know it or I don’t i managed to finish both exams within 90 minutes.

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Which was good, I HATE exams

With the run up to exams we had to get into a clinical skills lab to do numerous skills we could get in our OSCE like: venepuncture, catheterisation, CPR, surgical gowning, BP, rectal exam etc.

However due to the amount of students there was a better chance of finding the Holy Grail that getting a slot in the clinical skills room.

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Therefore, a wonderful (and slightly strange) friend of mine decided to make some homemade catheter models…

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Yes I’m worried for him too

P.s. do not get cannulae and catheter mixed up and tell your friends that they can catheterise you… It will end in a year of teasing with even more proof that you should never become a urologist

Overall the OSCE went okay, it wasn’t fantastic but it wasn’t a complete disaster. I even managed to say my name correctly this year and not call myself a boys name…

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The only complete disaster was psych, and well that was pretty much a fail as soon as the patient told me Mi5 were chasing him.
As well as most of my differential diagnose’s being ‘space occupying lesion somewhere in the brain’… Again I’ve ruled out neurology as a future career

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The problem with the exams is that everyone gets very stressed and the conversations all revolve around revision. I feel sorry for all my family and non-medic friends as the only conversations I could have for a month were like..
“What have you been up to?”
“Revision”
“Cool… Got any nice plans for the weekend?”
“Well I’m taking an exciting trip into the centre of London to a new library”
“Oh… Enjoy!”

I pretty much felt like the most boring person on the planet while having all the feels that I still know absolutely Fuck-all

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Now I am on holiday, well I use holiday as a very loose term as I’m spending more time in hospital working in my holiday than I was in term time… But here’s to 2 weeks time where I will be put out of my misery to find out if I have passed! But you know even if I fuck up there are still plenty of options…

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But, this is a message to all of you people applying for medical school this summer, sitting the entrance exams, writing the personal statements, finding the holy grail, performing brain surgery etc etc.

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After an insane and incredible 11 months of studying 2 years of medical school in 1… i’ve PASSED!!!

gggoooooooooodddddd Mmmmmmooooorrrnnnnniiinnnngggg…

It’s finally summer, which means medical school for this year is finally over!!

 

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It’s been 11 months of academic hell having never touched a chemistry book past GCSE and barely a biology book… but overall this year or last few months have mainly consisted of

Spending far too much money that my savings have all but disappeared – most of it on revision food…

And not really having a social life for the best part of 3 months

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BUT

I PASSED the graduate medicine year!!

PARTAY

I literally couldn’t believe it!!! i was sitting on a train on to way down to the shire to see the life giver when my results came out. I spent the first 3 hours of the train journey being a total fidget, with the man across from me looking really concerned until I finally managed to get onto the internet to find out my results and call 8 people irritating every one on the train… but finally it has all paid off!

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I still don’t understand the basics of chemistry, and I was called a crap medical school by my cousin who asked me about 
mitosis (Telephase.. what??)

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BUT…I’m going to be a 3rd year medical student on the wards!

 

I’m both scared and nervous at the same time, they are trusting me to deal with actual patients now…
However, I’ve got to start thinking before speaking and actually remember all the information that I’ve had to press into my tiny brain this year, which I have already forgotten after working for a few weeks.

I’d really just hoping my brain has put it all away for ‘safe keeping’

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But now for a Holiday, I am going back to Thailand for a well deserved holiday to see friends, get sun burnt and eat my weight in Thai food… 
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See you after the summer!
Good luck to all of you sitting UKCAT, GAMSAT, getting results and applying..
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Level up: Exams, Birthdays, panic and mislabelling genitalia – They joys of my life being ruled by medicine!

Gggggoooooooooooooooooodddddddd mmmooorrrnnnniiiiinnnngggggg

It’s been a while… It’s been busy so say the least! and also been writing this post for a good 8+ weeks… Sorry!

So let’s go back in time a little because there is a lot to say… But I’ll keep it brief and I think the work of the day at the moment is stress…

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Christmas is out the way (okay a long time ago now), I’ve quit my job (for now), the love handles are back and now I’m severely regretting my decision of eating an entire meter of jaffacakes in the space of a week

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But it’s not all Gloomy.. because…

Drumroll

I PASSED… that’s right… PASSED my first ever proper scary medical school exam
And it was a half decent mark at that

PARTAY

PARTAY

Personally I’ve never been so proud of an academic achievement… Ever since I scraped a C in GCSE Geography 
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And with that I got  hideously drunk and did karaoke…

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It’s safe to say I’m not winning X factor for a while…

This term has hit the ground running, but without having to stand behind a till on a saturday morning looking particularly “ill” I’ve had time to go out on a friday and not be feeling the guilt/anticipation about the  99.9% chance of a horrific hangover I will be sporting the next day…
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But at the moment it’s just about staying afloat and staying on top of the worlds most heavy workload…

If only NEu

If only Neuro was that simple

I’m spending more time in the library than in my own house and it’s not even exam season yet!!!

I know they said Graduate entry was a marathon, but I think they failed to mention the fact that it’s a marathon, without shoes, in the winter while being chased by rabid animals

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If I got a quid for every time a family member has said to me “You look tired, are you okay?” I’d be a lot further away from my over draft that I currently am.

But I’m still enjoying it, which is the main thing -and slowly I’m ruling more and more specialties out… My current most unlikely specialty to ever go into is neurology, too complicated for my liking- so I’ll leave Dr Shepard to that.

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I think also by default I’ve ruled out any specialty to do with the male genitals… On 2 separate occasions I’ve missed labeled the scrotum and/or other parts of it. Leading to over a week of penis jokes… such a joy being in a course 75% male dominated!

But you know medical school isn’t all study and lectures (okay 90% of it is)we actually get a life sometimes, and most recently it’s been the birthday’s of a fair few people including my own desperate attempt to not slip further into my twenties… It fails every year, but I have to try!

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But in true student style we hit the town for a curry and night out… to which at 4am my inner Lawrence Llewelyn Bowen came out of the closet and I decided that quoting Taylor swift and using a roll of sellotape was a safer option to using the left over paint in the cupboard…

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But apart from a few drunken mistakes (you will eventually hear about these at some point), spending far too much time in the library, I really haven’t got much going on – I’m eating healthy, swimming, studying and panicking mostly.

So yeah… I’m pretty much turning into a crazy cat lady, who can go 3 weeks without shaving and spends far to much of my time in the library, so…

Welcome to graduate entry medicine 
Screen shot 2014-03-07 at 00.58.08On a more panicked note… I only have 3.5 week of formal teaching left and apparently I should know everything preclinical about medicine… shit

The Drunknightoutinshitcity Game: Porn, Nutella Nancy, The clingy girlfriend and how not to risk your clean Criminal Record

Gooooood Mooorrrnnniiinnnggg campers….

It’s that wonderful time of the year again….. EXAM SEASON

Someone shit themselves in an exam I was invidulating, I was called a TILF aaannndddd One lad decided to defile his paper by drawing a giant cock on a graph – With a vein and everything …

A+ for effort

A+ for effort

Some how I don’t think that’ll be on the mark scheme…

From looking at the searches that people use to find my blog on google I realised it was exam season because of these search engine results I have been getting on a daily basis…

Screen shot 2013-03-04 at 23.12.14This was at about 8am in the morning so… who the hell is googling Newcastle Porn??? What even is Newcastle porn?? I refuse to google it and MORE IMPORTANTLY how does it lead to me??!!

When I was in Newcastle I was horrifically drunk, I admit that… but I don’t know how that’d lead to porn??

Dear friend, I'm sorry in advance... I loooovvveee yyyooouuuu

Dear friend, I’m sorry in advance… I loooovvveee yyyooouuuu

In all fairness… singing Gangnam style, falling over in the snow and drinking 2 bottles of wine each probably isn’t the worst thing I’ve done drunkHave you seen my ex?

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I always find there is a fine line when on a night out it’s either fantastic or really shit… I’ve been experiencing really shit for a while… it probably doesn’t help I’ve been going to come of these clubs since I was 16..

I find that I see the same type of people out all the time that can fit into some decent categories… So ladies and Gentlemen hold on to your hats

It’s that time again, where point give you prizes…

Drum roll please

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It’s the Drunknightoutinashitcity Rage Game!!!!!

To start with you get 0 points…

1. Location, location, location….
The Location of the club is key
– if it’s a well-known underage dive and you are above the age of 18: +100
– £7.50 for a vodka and coke to find out half is it is water +75
– There are less than 20 people upon entering +50

2. The Zoo animals…

The Teeny Bopper 

A Justin Beiber or Taylor swift lookalike, barely having hit puberty. But by borrowing some fake ID they can escape the clutches of the tweenies and go on a night out… usually sporting a floppy fringe of some sorts

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They are young and often very easy to spot by normally being found drinking WKD or ‘VK’, often in groups of 5+ for safety hiding in the corners… However, some of them look older than they should be.

I need to fine tune my age-dar

You can fall into their trap and think they are older- Jager bombs are notorious for this phenomenon

well... Maybe

well… Maybe

There is always that dreaded moment when the teenie bopper (or TB) begins to reveal themselves (usually) after making out.
Which ends with them finally mistaking that the year 1996 doesn’t infact make them 19… It can usually go like this:

Me: Oh so you’re studying for exams, uni ones?
TB: errr No
Me (Getting more worried for my clean CRB check): Oh A levels….
TB (looking more guilty): Not exactly, well I am for one A level
Me (feeling the panic set in): Oh so you’re on a Gap year?
TB: No still in school, I’m studying the A level alongside, its extra
Me: Oh, errrr… Okay??
TB: I’m doing my GCSE’s
Me:

Bitches be crazy...

HOLY SHIT… please be 16, please be 16

I specifically used TB there not only short for Teeny bopper but also for tuberculosis, a bitch of a disease that will plague you for months to come…. Just like my conscience

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AND as well hypothetically they try to add you on facebook, and hypothetically your cousin just so happens to be in their display picture aswell…

OH YEAH double shit…

This is why I believe all CHILDREN need “CHILD” tattooed on their forehead until their 18th Birthday

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The Clingy Girlfriend

Yes that girl, the one that keeps a tight grip on her man-friend the whole night.
Always making sure his eyes are on here – hence the need for a low low cut top – and always making sure he has some sort of contact with her

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Be it a pinky on her arse or an all out groping right hand

She gives you the glare even if you look at him… Yes! That Dr Bailey glare that, if I had testicle retreat so far into my abdomen

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So if you get:
The glare +20 points!
A punch +50 points
Make out with her boyfriend +100 points

The liability

We all have that friend we all dread going on a night out with because they are such a pain in the arse and a liability. 9 times out of 10 the night ends because the liability (He or She) is either being kicked out, throwing up or getting naked, or a combination of all 3 before midnight…

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For getting kicked out +20
Throwing up +30 or for ‘chundering’ over the clingy girlfriend +50
Getting naked +50
Getting arrested +100

The Peacock

That male that likes to show off… Usually found with an abnormal amount of gel in his hair and wearing clothes that look like he’s been dragged backwards through topman.

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He likes to spread his feathers and survey his territory, looking for vulnerable females probably of the ‘Nutella Nancy’ variety…
The collective noun for a group of these creatures (yes I googled what a collective noun was sshhh) is often called ‘THE LADS’ and often involved a lot of mating calls
“Chundaaaarrrrr”
“Bangin'”
“Do you Bench?”
Often found in the likes of Ibiza, Magaluf or just the general shit hole club…

Spotting a group of 5 +15
Hearing a key phrase +25
Being hit on by one +70

Nutella Nancy

Dear fellow members of the female population… Feminists havent protested for years, purposely not shaved their legs or been killed by horses just so you can smear nutella on your face, pout and get fingered outside the toilets in ‘Club M’…

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Look… make up and fake tan can look good. But, there is this key word here… Moderation!

Nancy Nutella can often sporting one (Or all three) of these classic poses in photo’s….

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For each one you see there will be at least 5 others close behind… Often all collecting in the toilets together – normally because 1 nancy needs to go – and reapplying more make up. BUT never… EVER mistake the power of a collection of Nutella’s

Smear your hand on her face +30
Get Nutella stain on white T-shirt +50
Lick their face -100

3. How do you get home?
Safe, sober and in your own bed by midnight +60
Sober and at your friend’s house eating a dirt kebab +40
At Nutella Nancy or a Peacocks place +100

Now add up all your scores….
0-100 – Good night out
101-250 – Standard night out, not amazing but good
251-500 – What happened???
500+ – Fuck…my…life