The head bones connected to: A. The neck bone, B. The arm bone or C. The Leg bone… Exams, attending “church” and trying not to lose my sanity

Goooooodddddddd mmmmmooooorrrrrnnnnnniiinnnnggg

It is late May and I know I’ve been slacking off but this month has well and truly been a whole different type of insanity…

Slow news day much?

Slow news day much?

I’ve been studying… No literally that is all I’ve been doing with my life the past month! I very much hit that stage of burn out where you start making up words
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Except these words I was making up very easily sounded like bits of anatomy I was meant to know, which to be honest isn’t great the week before the exam. But the first written exams were as vile as they could have been, they easily made the past papers look like a GCSE in media studies…
Screen shot 2014-05-26 at 20.05.06However, I do suppose it was a bit wishful thinking to think one of the questions would be;

Is the head bone attached to:
A. The neck bone
B. The leg bone
C. The arm bone

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We have these wonderful exams in medical school called OSCE’s – don’t ask me what it stands for! But they are essentially practical exams where you do things like take a patient history, take a blood pressure, perform CPR etc… Sounds simple enough ey? But you do 16 of them in one sitting.

All of these patients are actors and when you’re nervous having to do 16 of these stations, it’s very easy to make some basic mistakes…

It was just a mistake.... I swear

It was just a mistake…. I swear

Such as forgetting your own name
cropped-depressing-tori-amos.gif

And yes that is exactly what I did, I went to introduce myself to the patient and then called myself a boy’s name (FYI I have lady parts fo those who don’t know). And I’m pretty sure the actor spent a good few minutes looking for my non-existent adams apple!

idiotI couldn’t even correct myself! I would looked even worse… Pretty sure I’ll be one of those stories lecturers tell next year before the exam “Just remember kids, know your own name, and gender… It’s not like you’ve had it for years!”

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But you know oh well onwards and upwards and it’s been a                  bank holiday!

PARTAY

PARTAY

And yes It is Tuesday and I am suffering with a hangover that has accumulated over 4 days of drinkingI believe the phrase “hanging like a bitch” is very suitable for the feeling I’m currently sporting. My alcohol tolerance has gone so so far down it’s unreal
wine iv
Me and some friends went to this day time club/fancy dress/awesome thing on sunday called “The Church”

It was fantastic! apart from the moment when I told my mother I was going to church on sunday, she was about to call an intervention…

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That holy water burns like a mother trucker

But you know all that drinking comes at a price… Checking my bank balance this morning gave me palpitations 
money I spent this weekend: £150  £174
Amount of units drank: God knows
Told off for crab dancing as a big group down borough high street: Priceless

But all that aside… There is a new season of orange is the new black out next week! There goes 2 days of productive-ness and 2 days of wishing I was Alex Vause’s prison wife…
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My next exam is in July… So until next timeScreen shot 2014-05-09 at 11.23.05

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Level up: Exams, Birthdays, panic and mislabelling genitalia – They joys of my life being ruled by medicine!

Gggggoooooooooooooooooodddddddd mmmooorrrnnnniiiiinnnngggggg

It’s been a while… It’s been busy so say the least! and also been writing this post for a good 8+ weeks… Sorry!

So let’s go back in time a little because there is a lot to say… But I’ll keep it brief and I think the work of the day at the moment is stress…

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Christmas is out the way (okay a long time ago now), I’ve quit my job (for now), the love handles are back and now I’m severely regretting my decision of eating an entire meter of jaffacakes in the space of a week

addison fat

But it’s not all Gloomy.. because…

Drumroll

I PASSED… that’s right… PASSED my first ever proper scary medical school exam
And it was a half decent mark at that

PARTAY

PARTAY

Personally I’ve never been so proud of an academic achievement… Ever since I scraped a C in GCSE Geography 
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And with that I got  hideously drunk and did karaoke…

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It’s safe to say I’m not winning X factor for a while…

This term has hit the ground running, but without having to stand behind a till on a saturday morning looking particularly “ill” I’ve had time to go out on a friday and not be feeling the guilt/anticipation about the  99.9% chance of a horrific hangover I will be sporting the next day…
wine iv

But at the moment it’s just about staying afloat and staying on top of the worlds most heavy workload…

If only NEu

If only Neuro was that simple

I’m spending more time in the library than in my own house and it’s not even exam season yet!!!

I know they said Graduate entry was a marathon, but I think they failed to mention the fact that it’s a marathon, without shoes, in the winter while being chased by rabid animals

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If I got a quid for every time a family member has said to me “You look tired, are you okay?” I’d be a lot further away from my over draft that I currently am.

But I’m still enjoying it, which is the main thing -and slowly I’m ruling more and more specialties out… My current most unlikely specialty to ever go into is neurology, too complicated for my liking- so I’ll leave Dr Shepard to that.

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I think also by default I’ve ruled out any specialty to do with the male genitals… On 2 separate occasions I’ve missed labeled the scrotum and/or other parts of it. Leading to over a week of penis jokes… such a joy being in a course 75% male dominated!

But you know medical school isn’t all study and lectures (okay 90% of it is)we actually get a life sometimes, and most recently it’s been the birthday’s of a fair few people including my own desperate attempt to not slip further into my twenties… It fails every year, but I have to try!

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But in true student style we hit the town for a curry and night out… to which at 4am my inner Lawrence Llewelyn Bowen came out of the closet and I decided that quoting Taylor swift and using a roll of sellotape was a safer option to using the left over paint in the cupboard…

2014-02-16 11.01.42
But apart from a few drunken mistakes (you will eventually hear about these at some point), spending far too much time in the library, I really haven’t got much going on – I’m eating healthy, swimming, studying and panicking mostly.

So yeah… I’m pretty much turning into a crazy cat lady, who can go 3 weeks without shaving and spends far to much of my time in the library, so…

Welcome to graduate entry medicine 
Screen shot 2014-03-07 at 00.58.08On a more panicked note… I only have 3.5 week of formal teaching left and apparently I should know everything preclinical about medicine… shit

“No I’ve not been kicked out of medical school, It was a facebook rape… NO I haven’t been raped, my facebook was…”

gggggooooooooooooooddddd mmmoooorrrrnnnnnniiiinnnnngggg

Christmas is nearly here!!! And in 42B we are getting into the spirit…

It's mazing what avoidance tactics are used when faced with neurology

It’s amazing what avoidance tactics are used when faced with neurology

But Christmas being nearly here is also a sign of some other not so pleasant things…. Exams…

The stress eating has started

murder and food

The Greggs around the corner from my house is a dangerous place… You know it’s getting bad when the lady in there knows all the local students by the appearance of just complete exhaustion and the lack of personal hygiene

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There comes a point where the only social activity outside the house is going for a quick beer or to Tesco to buy more carbs… And even then the guilt sets in and all of a sudden your brain fires a question like…

What’s your 4th cranial nerve?????

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It’s horrible… The only way to suppress it is by drinking!

During one of these outings into the general public I was facebook raped… Otherwise known as fraped, by a wonderful friend of mine…

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My phone had 10% battery and leaving it on the table to go to the toilet was a mistake on my part because I came back and within 10 minutes of sitting down I had 6 messages and 4 texts asking if it was true…

I’m not sure what’s worse… The fact that people believe that I would get kicked out or that I’d be a STRIPPER in East London…

story of my life

If anything I’d be a high class escort

anigif_enhanced-buzz-976-1380643269-50

I’ve also got myself in a fair few awkward encounters recently, which has involved me making up over 5 excuses to not get naked with someone… Or show them my preparation run of leguary during movember

scared-and-horny

I also did karaoke… In the hospital’s bar… Singing Call me maybe… And made it home in time to sleep for 5 hours before dragging my clearly hung over arse into work

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I think I’m growing up a little, trying out being professional and using some self-control so I don’t make so much of a complete fool of myself!

But that will be next time… Because I have an exam in approximately 24ish hours and a households worth of carbs to consume in this time…

cropped-depressing-tori-amos.gif

But if I don’t manage to post anything before then

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The perilous adventure of a hungover medical student: The Rum Chronicals (With added Spice)

ggggggooooooooooooddddddd mmoooorrrrnnnniiiinnnngggg

2013-11-03 18.19.52

I’m well into my 3rd month of being a medical student… On my second folder of lecture notes/important stuff and so far no major disasters apart from possibly this weekend at work…

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For who I’d like to thank Captain Morgans spiced rum for my horrific Saturday (and Sunday) at work…

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I fell asleep on the tube, like full on blacked out asleep and woke up at the end of the metropolitan line, completely dazed and no knowing where I was.

tube gif

During this “Special time” I had a very nice man guide me to the correct train back towards my place of work who nicely told me “Have a cup of coffee and not to fall asleep and get lost again”

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Luckily, special moment aside I was only 45 minutes late and even offered to work late/through my lunch break, but due to my boss having literally NO sense of humour, the day got worse

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We have these “Naughty girl” late slips at work and you have to fill in the excuse so only telling the truth like the angel Or in my post alcoholic delusional state  I put down as my reason for being late as:

Captain Morgans spiced Rum…

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It was literally as if I had killed his puppy… The world around me exploded…

Safe to say my notice is handed in and I’ll be leaving by x-mas…

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Well apart from that minor disaster, it’s been a fun month! 

I’ve had to learn so so so so so much, my brain is exploding, I’m forgetting how to spell my name and do simple things. Multitasking is proving difficult… 

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There are only so many Dirty pneumonic I can remember!!

I’m actually learning too much and it’s in Latin too!
I feel like I’ve actually been educated at a school where people don’t set fire to the tree line because they’ve been caught smoking a joint or draw a giant penis on a ceiling of a classroom or the rugby field…
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I actually feel slightly smart… and getting 74% in a recent coursework as bought back my faith in actually passing this year!

Self high five!!

Self high five!!

But if medical school doesn’t work out I have my plan B ready and waiting…

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50 shades of heart disease: I clearly do so much at work…

Here’s just hoping that I can survive these last 6/7 weeks of term until Christmas… Roll on Christmas break! Even if we have a fucking exam on January 3rdBastards!
Well lets give this last month a quick summary…

Amount of times I’ve cursed biochemistry and its complete ability to make any sort of sense to me: 1000’s (Don’t even mention Histology… It’s all too frikin PINK!)

Times I got drunk: 4

Started-on by members of the Netball team: 1

Number of Times I “Shat myself” from being started on my numerous netball girls: 1

Money spent: fuck knows

Amount of times nearly fired from being a retail slave: 2

Number of times I’ve thought holy shit what am I doing here: Daily

ppphhfffff, I need a new job – Anyone know anything about tutoring or freelance in London?

… Until Next time!

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Apparently it’s a lot more complicated than… “The arm bones connected to the hand bone”: Welcome to medical school…

Ggggggoooooodddd mooooorrrrnnnniiiiinnnngggg…

Busy

Busy is the word to describe these past 3/4 weeks…

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I’m officially a medical student and my god it feels good (most of the time)!

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However…Being of the non science variety  I’ve ocassionaly often very often been sitting in the lectures and looking at the lecturers like they are speaking parseltongue to me…

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Every few days i get that existential crisis – usually looking at an anatomical image of the arm and then soon after realising that it is in fact a lot more complicated than just

“The arm bone’s connected to the wrist bone… the wrist bone’s connected to the finger bones”

 

Lying bastards

So onto the fun stuff… Freshers week…

Having done several of these before I thought of myself of a seasoned expert, All of us were up for showing these 18 year olds how to truly drink…

Proud high five

Well… It definitely started off with a bang… My house (Further known as 42B) mates and I sat in our onesies, eating mexican food while watching Great British Bake Off

All you need to do is throw in a few cats and we’d be set for life…

She's my new Nigella

She’s my new Nigella…

In all fairness freshers week did get better and involved 12 hours of drinking on a monday… Quite frankly my memory after about 8pm is foggy but from what I can gather…

A few of us decided in a drunken state of mind (having drank since 3pm) that going to the freshers party was a good idea…

2 boat races/waterfalls

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3 rounds of beer pong

AND

2 hours of ‘twat dancing’ – a true phenomenon… trust me

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When they say hangovers get worse with age they aren’t kidding… The worst bit was that I was still drunk until about 11am and the hangover set in quite nicely in the middle of an anatomy lecture…

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Quite possibly the most horrific hangover in recent times… And we had to do dissection…

Formaldehyde and a hangover aren’t a good combination…

cropped-cat-giving-up1.gif

I still havent got used to calling myself a medical student… People ask me what I am doing in London and I have to remember I am actually a medical student and not just pissing about working in retail at the weekends and spending way too much money…

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However… There are certain situations where you should NEVER and i mean NEVER tell people you are a medical student… Trust me I’ve learnt the hard way..

 Most recently in the hairdressers…

After telling the hairdresser I was a medical student she proceeded to tell me about her leaking nipple/pussy abscess on her breast… Which then turned into the all the client (mostly elderly) telling me about their various complaints…

Why yes they are salad tongs...

Why yes they are salad tongs…

I don’t know how many times I had to repeat “You should go and se your GP”

The worst bit is that they have Scissors... and razors… and god knows what else so there is literally no escape…

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I contemplated bolting for the door, but the lady with the leaky nipple and the scissors had some force over me, so I sucked it up like a (Wo)MAN and attempted to change the conversation to Kim Kasabain (Who is she??) or something from Love It magazine…

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So I’ve (again… for the 50th time) started eating healthily every day… Even a box of salad for lunch!

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Well it’s a good start…

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Until next time I leave you with this…

What did I… THEY fall on?

Screen shot 2013-09-11 at 19.35.00

To infinity and beyonnnddddddd

“This is not the walk of shame this is the walk of pure victory”

Gggggooooooooooooooooddddd Morning…

photoshop for the win

I’m getting better at using photoshop…

It’s now under a week until I actually get to call myself a medical student….

 

surprise cat

Holy frikin shit

AND get my horrific passport picture put on an ID card (for the next 4 years!) I’m starting to get nervous…

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I feel like I have a few days to grow up… I now have a (weekend) job (albeit in slave labour errr… Retail) and I have 4 years of medical school ahead of me… The title of the degree is GRADUATE entry medicine… It’s that word… Graduate, it’s starting to make me freak out…

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Not you Callie you’re perfect

It’s not only that! People are getting married, friends are starting to have kids and are even buying houses…

Yes I like gif's now...

Yes I like gif’s now…

Then I’m sitting here still trying to master the science behind keeping my dignity after a bottle of wine or a one night stand…

But in all honest the thought of renting out my womb to a tiny human horrifies me… Plus I’d need to be getting laid by a viable mate of the male species – Like that’ll happen any time soon…

But, I am LOVING London life. Apart from the ridiculous price of booze and hideous amount of tourists in Primark It was like a frikin zoo!!!

 I just wanted some pillows…

you go Grandma

you go Grandma

But the highlight was when I was queuing like a proper Brit and I over heard someone shout

“I THREW MY PIE FOR YOU”

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It broke me… literally broke me, I couldn’t stop laughing – my faith in humanity had been restored temporarily, until I had to exit Primark – which is NOT an easy task, I felt like I was in the final of the tri-wizard tournament

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After the stress of shopping I decided to go out for ONE (Yeah that never happens) drink with some friends and others…

One turned into twotwo turned into liver failure and I found myself back on the tube at 8.30am the next day…

cat giving up

 

It’s truely a sobering moment when you have to admit to the man on the tube that this is infact the “walk of victory and not the walk of shame” while similtaniously attempting to keep down the litre of Lucozade I chugged in a last-ditch attempt to give me some energy and sobriety before I stepped on to the moving inferno that is the tube…

Piper shuAfter 2 stops I needed to be let off that tube A-SAP… There was a high ‘chunder possibility’… I would in all honestly rather pull a 12 hour shift in the Oxford street Primark than go through that again..

I don't think I have a choice...

I don’t think I have a choice…

Well, currently the police are outside my house after a large fight down the road… I’m starting to rethink the “I don’t live in Tower Hamlets… I live in *Insert Vaguely better area here*” statement I say a lot…

It’s ok I have my alibi sorted…

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Until next time…

Tequila is the Devil, driving in London is like dancing with the devil and paintballing in 32 degrees (hungover) is hell

Goooooood  mmmmmooooorrrrrnnnnniiiinnnngggg

Yes that is my skeleton

How I felt on Saturday…

I hope no one has to feel the agony of the hangover I had the other saturday morning… Literally the worst hangover in my 22.5 years on this planet.

There was an orange bucket that got bleached very well…

Barry Scott I choose you....

Barry Scott I choose you….

I have learnt some valuable lessons these last few weeks:

Tequila is my enemy until further notice

Screen shot 2013-07-19 at 00.10.19– I have a tendency to get very handsy while drunk

Screen shot 2013-08-05 at 01.03.58 – I also tend to take lots photo’s when I am drunk (that I then subsequently find the next day…)
2013-07-14 20.35.00

Paintballing hurts… And I mean it hurts… A LOT

2013-07-14 00.13.47

I literally looked like Edward Cullens breakfast the next day… So many bruises

– And London is freekin awesome

Did I mention I’ve moved to the big smoke???

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Have I also said how AWESOME it is… Also a holla to my lovely awesome house mates…

For a bonding session and only meeting one of my housemates for about 1 hour…. We went to Holi festival…

For those of you who don’t know, read this [Holi festival], but the condensed version is that it’s a big festival where you throw paint… Well it’s meant to be powder… But that clearly didnt happen…

Yes this is a chest shot....

Yes this is a chest shot….

2 days later and I’m still finding pink paint in my nose and ears…

2013-08-03 16.38.51

Have any of you seen Orange is the new black????

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Please say you have… if you havent you NEED to watch it…

It’s pretty much making me want to commit a crime and go to Jail like Grey’s Anatomy persuaded me to got to medical school…

oh Alex Vause...

oh Alex Vause… you are just… 

Yeah that definitely wasn’t in my personal statement…

But seriously watch it…. 

It’s literally now 3 weeks until I start medical school and it’s slowly sinking in what I’ve let myself in for… Especially after receiving my timetable…

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So let’s see what the next week brings… I’m currently at (my new) home without a voice (again!) browsing the internet

So please send me nice things… Pizza or Bacon are both good!

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Does yourself count??