“Doctor… Doctor” Oh shit you mean me? – errr throw some fluids at it? Sando-k? Wait eerrr what’s their NEWS again? Maybe just ask the SHO… 


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Yes that’s right… this graduate medicine applicant, a little project i started 5 years ago while i was living abroad is now a DoctorThe dream right? 

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Lets just ignore the part where a patient had diarrhoea on standing and it went all over my new work shoes and the fact that it took me nearly 2 months as the Gastro F1 to master the spelling of Diarrhoea*

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*If anyone is interested ink y way to spell it: I’m in a DIA situation so i better Run Run… Help… O’dEAr   – Me 1: Dyslexia 0 

So as you can see i managed to pass my finals, only royally cocked up one OSCE station where i had no idea that it was a psych station gotta love those actors…

 

 

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I spent my time over exams living with 2 amazing friends and their 93 year old gran who decided to help my homeless living, between my car, hospital accommodation, my girlfriends place (oh yes… that’s right!) and a hostel in central London above a bar i frequented on a regular basis (on the bright side that commute home was beautiful).

I lived with my 2 friends and their 93 year old grandmother… Whose ability to knock back the wine and gin and tonics was way better than mine could ever be, I can now honestly say I have been out drank by a 93 year old. 

 

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I also had a wonderful week of: a close friends wedding, our graduation ball (free flowing alcohol) and my actual graduation, the day after the graduation ceremony I’ve never been so unwell in my life. It had me put off prosecco for a long time – and thus so forth is the most middle class sentence I’ve ever typed – 

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It was one of those hangovers where even putting clothes on was too much, I crawled downstairs and curled on a sofa watching Judge Judy trying not to throw up the vast amount of 4am chicken nuggets I’d consumed in the previous week…

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But it was great fun and after a full 2 months off, going on holiday, seeing family, seeing friends I had neglected for a long period of time due to finals and living nomadically out my car… I moved to my new ‘home’ for the next year.

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Its pretty amazing what you can fit in a Cleo

I am living in a wonderful part of the country, i mean there is a Waitrose, i can cycle everywhere, I can see fields and greenery! It’s just a bit lovely really. Also the hospital is lovely, everyone is so friendly and because its small you get to know a lot of people really quickly, you have a lot of responsibility and the support offered is exceptional! DGH’s for the win!

The first few days were very much death by powerpoint and everyone sharing the same expression of complete terror, the desperation to get paid, nervousness and social awkwardness, all while walking in a giant protective pack

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However, my ‘shadowing’ days were a small baptism of fire… Armed with an ID badge, a pager, my stethoscope and pretty much no knowledge having drunk it all away over the summer I entered my ward for the next 4 months and had to mutter the most terrifying thing ever…

“Hello My name’s graduatemedicineapplicant and I’m the new F1 doctor”

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That was particularly scary… But hey ho I had 2 days of “shadowing” ahead… But no, oh wait the F1’s were on holiday and one called a sickie… GREAT! FANTASTIC! just what i wanted to hear when I barely knew which way my stethoscope went in my ears.

 

So my first 2 days of ‘shadowing’ was met with sheer panic of not knowing which of the 6 computer systems you can read bloods on or do prescriptions, someones BP is 70/40 eerrr hartmanns? no saline? shit they have heart failure… What do I write on the list? How to i request an X-ray? WHERE DO I GET TEA FROM???

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It was interesting to say the least and having to explain over and over again, I’m new, I have NO idea what i am doing to many people.

My first official day of Doctoring consisted of my holding the Crash bleep and being on call…

The crash bleep is the bleep that a set team of people hold each day that get called to cardiac arrests, and medical emergency calls. I didn’t realise it would talk to me, it makes a wonderfully shrill noise and then tells you where to go and you run… Except it doesn’t do the useful thing and provide a GPS map of the hospital to direct you.

So when I was called to the ‘flower room’ It might as well as said ‘find the holy grail’. I did not find the flower room and still have no idea to this day where it is!

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I’ve also just finished my first job which was amazing, such an incredible team of doctors, nurses, HCA’s, housekeeping staff etc… I wont go into any specifics now except i’ve had at least 4 different types of bodily fluid on me, had someone poop in my hand, had to explain to a ‘delirious’ patient that I am not Kate Middleton and i need to listen to his chest (best compliment ever) and negotiated a delirious patient out of a hostage situation in the sluice…

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I must say though the confidence that I’ve gained in 4 months work is more than in a year of medical school… You learn so quickly how to manage certain situations and just on calls generally. But I must say you do need a good sense of humour to get through the job some days!

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I wont say anymore now… Have a very merry Chirstmas

 

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