“If you’re bad at dancing, you’re bad at sex…” It’s just a rumour… I swear!


So I’ve decided since I’m barely employed and have not much todo before med school, each week is going to have an interesting theme…

This week is health kick week

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So to begin with is the healthy diet… And by ‘healthy diet’ I mean I’ve gone from ordering the Gormet Chicken Burger to a plain chicken burger at Wetherspoons, baby steps people… baby steps

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In all fairness I do eat healthily 80% (ish) of the time, I’ve enjoyed learning to cook properly without cremating a dish… I’ve learnt to put the correct amount of chilli in a curry dish without having to have my mouth on a glass of ice for 30 minutes… (A horrific true story)

Doing a dare in Ukraine...

Doing a dare in Ukraine…

And to go along with this healthy eating plan I’ve decided to properly start exercising…. Therefore, the other day I decided to go swimming and when I got to the delights of the local swimming baths and realised I hadn’t shaved my legs in over 10 days…

Horrified, absolutely horrified…

I don’t know what was more disturbing the fact that my legs looked like they belong in a teen wolf horror story… 

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Or the fact that I haven’t needed to shave them for a long time (I’m blaming it on the weather… Honest)

I think I also need a hepatitis B test after seeing some of the vermin delights of Coventry in there…

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Trying to find a way of exercising I like and preferably good at is proving harder than finding the holy grail – or getting tweeted back by a cast member of Greys anatomy

Absolute cock/clit tease...

Absolute cock/clit tease…

I’ve tried numerous sports: football, roller derby (It scared me and full of those non meat eating folk judging my high bacon intake!) and even once played rugby… That was HORRIFIC – tackled by a 6ft2″ monster and I couldn’t move a muscle the next day.

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However… I can drink a fair amount and it seems that the social norm after a few drinks is to get sweaty and get ‘down low’ with ‘peeps’ in a club… But, I literally can’t dance and I have NO excuse. I even was forced into Ballet classes for a year as a kid

Good toes... Naughty toes... Oh fuck it I wanted to climb a tree!

Good toes… Naughty toes… Oh fuck it I wanted to            climb a tree!

I am ambidextrous – I can write/throw and be very talented with both hands.

But, when I dance I look like a cross between David Brent and that pervy uncle at the wedding that no-one wants to go near…

But I heard a rumour… And I will say this is a RUMOUR… One night in a club 

“If you suck at dancing you will suck at sex” 

Shock... just utter denial and shock

I literally stood there with a panic striken look on my face…
I then made the mistake of looking at the throngs of women that can get with shorty down low and coordinate their limbs properly….

Again… I must stipulate, this is just a rumourI can get references to dispel this rumour!

Just aswell I'm a lefty....

Just aswell I’m a lefty….

Who needs to be able to dance anyway….I have other skills! I know all the lyrics to S Club 7’s Reach and other utterly useful (and rather gay) things…

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I like team sports, I do – because it takes the pressure off my looking like a total tool if there are at least 6 other people on the team… But there are always people who should never play team sports, like EVER…

I remember as a kid having to play football and the team was full of ‘footballing prodigies’ and girls with ego’s to big to fit through the changing room door… But, one girl – lets call her Regina (Evil sounding name right?)

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She worked so poorly in a team.. It was all or nothing with her… she was THE BOSS, the supreme sporty god – Well she is a PE teacher now so…

But still, I’ve never met someone short of a North Korean Dictator who works that poorly with others…

Well I’ll keep working on the exercise and the healthy… For this week anyway…

3 months to go until medical school… Not that I’m counting down or anything…

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Please apply within…

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