What don’t you understand about “I don’t run unless I am being chased?”: PE teaching, discovering google safe search and equality

I’m currently working in Nepal (will be covered next post) So….The last few weeks have been errr interesting?? frustrating?? Funny…

1. Supply teaching… Some more eerrr Characters… 

2. Rejected from a med school (Really happy about this though! Going to London BABY)

3. Sexual frustration is hitting an all time high… When is it not to be honest???

4. The Job center adventure 2.0

5. I had to teach PE… PE!!! as in PHYSICAL EDUCATION – and there is only one kind of physical I want to do (Not on the kids… I realise I am digging a hole)

6. Eating enough KFC to constipate myself… And give Amy flatulence issues (this needs no further explination I believe….)

Maybe not THAT far...

Maybe not THAT far…


Well… We might as well start in any order so lucky number 2 goes first!!

2. Rejected from a medical school…

I was finally rejected from Newcastle the other day, not surprised really as i didn’t get the right feeling from the interview… BUT that means I am 100% going to live in LONDON 😀

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How much is rent in Buckingham Palace?? ooohhh Queeennyyy!

Next in the line up is….. (Drum roll please)…… 4!

4. The worlds most pointless appointment… At least my adviser is HOTTT

So… My job hasn’t paid me yet, I am beyond skint… Not happy, I spent a weekend eating the fridge and freezer out as I had no money to buy food, some interesting combinations that made me question if i was pregnant or not…

The clear lack of sex and lack of male attraction (see Point 3) culled that thought very quickly…

And Literally had the most POINTLESS ‘careers’ meeting with the job center… It lasted all of 2 minutes…

Her: What career do you want?
Me: I want to be a Doctor
Her: What steps are you doing to get to your goal?
Me: I have a place at medical school, I start in September, this is a stop gap…
Her: *After 2 minutes of pointless tapping* Oh ok… Do you watch Casualty?

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5. Teaching… 2.0 The PE chronicles: Why would you ever want to teach PE?????

WHY oh WHY would you EVER want to teach PE… in England?? It’s been zero degrees for eternity and I can’t wear padded bra’s (#bigboobproblems) so I have to wear 5 layers to stop my nips from looking like they can cut glass/get arrested…

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I had to teach PE.. ME teach PE.. If you knew me in school, you’d of known my battles with the PE department, I was that girl that the PE teachers disliked, detention after detention after detention… Well Ladies and Gents – I don’t run unless I am being chased (or Greggs is about to run out of apple danishes) 

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It’s just why did the sporty bull dyke pick me out of the line up in the staff room to cover her PE lesson… I mean come on!! I was wearing skinny jeans (Made me ass look ass-tastic)  and boots with a HEEL for gods sake! Looking back maybewas jail-bait material…

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So with a class of self-conscious 13/14 year old girls who were more interested in smoking weed and drinking white lightning behind the bike shed whilst getting a quickie, than playing a fun-filled game of netball – I don’t blame them, I hate netball… – I pretty much gave up and got a bollocking off the very large PE teacher… I felt 14 all over again

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Having been conned into teaching sex ed/alcohol and drugs numerous times now under the title of ‘Values’ on the timetable… I’ve been given some ‘Life advise’ off some of the students…

1. If you give up smoking and save all the money from not buying fags, you could ‘well buy like 50 tracksuits from the market’

2. “Two in the goo one in the poo” Is a recipe for success in the bedroom…

3. Stealing money from friends is like borrowing it if you buy them a Mc Donalds at a later date…

4. Calling your Best mates mum a MILF is ‘out of bounds’

AND 5…. I look like I need a good banging… (Sadly very very true)

This leads into point number 3… Sexual Frustration…

If only....

If only….

It’s almost as if my hymen is growing back – Ok or in fact grown back…

I’m literally feeling like a teenage boy that’s just discovered how to turn off google safe search and browse for porn on my iPhone 

Screen shot 2013-03-30 at 23.27.31

I need to start dating… I need to find someone to take out on a date… I need to stop being so weird… It’s never going to happen is it??

Finally… (serious point) Please support Same sex marriage and equal rights, it’s a serious matter that needs the attention, please display this with pride… It needs to GET better 

Screen shot 2013-03-30 at 23.46.11

One thought on “What don’t you understand about “I don’t run unless I am being chased?”: PE teaching, discovering google safe search and equality

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