What don’t you understand about “I don’t run unless I am being chased?”: PE teaching, discovering google safe search and equality

I’m currently working in Nepal (will be covered next post) So….The last few weeks have been errr interesting?? frustrating?? Funny…

1. Supply teaching… Some more eerrr Characters… 

2. Rejected from a med school (Really happy about this though! Going to London BABY)

3. Sexual frustration is hitting an all time high… When is it not to be honest???

4. The Job center adventure 2.0

5. I had to teach PE… PE!!! as in PHYSICAL EDUCATION – and there is only one kind of physical I want to do (Not on the kids… I realise I am digging a hole)

6. Eating enough KFC to constipate myself… And give Amy flatulence issues (this needs no further explination I believe….)

Maybe not THAT far...

Maybe not THAT far…

 

Well… We might as well start in any order so lucky number 2 goes first!!

2. Rejected from a medical school…

I was finally rejected from Newcastle the other day, not surprised really as i didn’t get the right feeling from the interview… BUT that means I am 100% going to live in LONDON 😀

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How much is rent in Buckingham Palace?? ooohhh Queeennyyy!

Next in the line up is….. (Drum roll please)…… 4!

4. The worlds most pointless appointment… At least my adviser is HOTTT

So… My job hasn’t paid me yet, I am beyond skint… Not happy, I spent a weekend eating the fridge and freezer out as I had no money to buy food, some interesting combinations that made me question if i was pregnant or not…

The clear lack of sex and lack of male attraction (see Point 3) culled that thought very quickly…

And Literally had the most POINTLESS ‘careers’ meeting with the job center… It lasted all of 2 minutes…

Her: What career do you want?
Me: I want to be a Doctor
Her: What steps are you doing to get to your goal?
Me: I have a place at medical school, I start in September, this is a stop gap…
Her: *After 2 minutes of pointless tapping* Oh ok… Do you watch Casualty?

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5. Teaching… 2.0 The PE chronicles: Why would you ever want to teach PE?????

WHY oh WHY would you EVER want to teach PE… in England?? It’s been zero degrees for eternity and I can’t wear padded bra’s (#bigboobproblems) so I have to wear 5 layers to stop my nips from looking like they can cut glass/get arrested…

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I had to teach PE.. ME teach PE.. If you knew me in school, you’d of known my battles with the PE department, I was that girl that the PE teachers disliked, detention after detention after detention… Well Ladies and Gents – I don’t run unless I am being chased (or Greggs is about to run out of apple danishes) 

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It’s just why did the sporty bull dyke pick me out of the line up in the staff room to cover her PE lesson… I mean come on!! I was wearing skinny jeans (Made me ass look ass-tastic)  and boots with a HEEL for gods sake! Looking back maybewas jail-bait material…

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So with a class of self-conscious 13/14 year old girls who were more interested in smoking weed and drinking white lightning behind the bike shed whilst getting a quickie, than playing a fun-filled game of netball – I don’t blame them, I hate netball… – I pretty much gave up and got a bollocking off the very large PE teacher… I felt 14 all over again

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Having been conned into teaching sex ed/alcohol and drugs numerous times now under the title of ‘Values’ on the timetable… I’ve been given some ‘Life advise’ off some of the students…

1. If you give up smoking and save all the money from not buying fags, you could ‘well buy like 50 tracksuits from the market’

2. “Two in the goo one in the poo” Is a recipe for success in the bedroom…

3. Stealing money from friends is like borrowing it if you buy them a Mc Donalds at a later date…

4. Calling your Best mates mum a MILF is ‘out of bounds’

AND 5…. I look like I need a good banging… (Sadly very very true)

This leads into point number 3… Sexual Frustration…

If only....

If only….

It’s almost as if my hymen is growing back – Ok or in fact grown back…

I’m literally feeling like a teenage boy that’s just discovered how to turn off google safe search and browse for porn on my iPhone 

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I need to start dating… I need to find someone to take out on a date… I need to stop being so weird… It’s never going to happen is it??

Finally… (serious point) Please support Same sex marriage and equal rights, it’s a serious matter that needs the attention, please display this with pride… It needs to GET better 

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Supply teaching, Secondary school and Sex education… Use a condom or you will die (or breed and we don’t want that!)

Why do weekends go so fast???

I turned old at the weekend, it hurts inside to think I’m gaining further ground into my 20’s… However, I went out in style… Well I wouldn’t exactly say style…

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The room we booked did look like something out of a dodgy B rate horror movie… It was a SHIT hole, and I’ve stayed on some shit holes! (see travelling trunchbull post).

Apparently I'm irresistible to autocorrect... Who can blame it to be honest

Apparently I’m irresistible to autocorrect… Who can blame it to be honest

Awesome weekend, you know it’s good when the nutritional content of my liquid diet included apples, pears, cranberry juice and orange juice (apparently cherry sourz doesn’t count??)

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Well… This week while I wait for Newcastle to get back to me with what I am guessing is a rejection. I have started me new job and OH DEAR GOD… One week in and I needed a bucket of wine… Or a Gallon, which ever is bigger.

 

Let it overflow...

                                               Let it overflow…

Supply teaching secondary kids is bad enough… But then they make me do sex education , there is not enough money in the world to do that to be honest, at what can be described as an animal enclosure of a school… (the joys of supply teaching)

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The following questions were asked…

1. Can oral sex get a girl pregnant?

2. Miss, do you taste poo when rimming?

3. What STD can make my knob fall off?

 

AND I got asked about my (albeit lacking) sex life!!! How do you answer to some future Jeremy Kyle contestants (one kid told me about his brother who went on!) about “the last time you got a good pounding??“… Seriously?!  FYI… too long ago

This is depressing me on so many levels...

This is depressing on so many levels…

I wish I could have just thrown them a copy of Fifty shades of grey and told them to get on with it… (Why is there no audio book edition!?!?)

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After this week I’ve never EVER been so glad I’m going to be a Doctor, I can deal with bodily fluid, emergencies, trauma, exploding testicles (Haiti)… But a class of 30 hormonally charged kids urrghhhh!!!

Until next time… Here is hoping I have some good news!!

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Ok maybe not that good…