Finished, fetishes, friday and flooding


IT’S FINISHED!!

It’s finally finished, the tantrums, the kicking the numerous occasions I’ve wanted to write “I want to be a Doctor because i quiet fancy an orgy with most of the cast of Grey’s Anatomy… Yes even you Dr. Bailey you filthy minx” Is unreal…

Clearly her ‘Come Hither’ bedroom eyes

I hate writing personal statements and I’m pretty sure I would last longer in Christian Greys red room of pain… my safe word is strawberry… Without having an inner tantrum, so this was a monumental day.

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Well you might now think, what have i done with the rest of my week.. Let me tell you.

Nothing much at all as I have seemed to have run my body into the ground after 4 weeks of: constant nights out, drinking, dancing, making out with very inappropriate people and very little sleep my body was done… Wednesday morning was like this at work… But add a tramp stamp to the left hand and a full mug of tea.

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PROCRASTINATION = Evil. My ability to work this week has gone out the window, I get distracted so easily this is currently up on my notice board….Steal it, do it! I’m even writing this now at work to avoid doing real work…

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It hasn’t stopped raining or thunder-ing or lightening-ing it for 12 days now, my road is flooded up past my ankles and stinks…. On the bright side Bangkok really is like one big WET T-SHIRT CONTEST… my inner well outer perv is in love with rainy season and the abundance of the population wearing white shirts.

Now since i ended up home on saturday morning at 8am after a heavy night – some of which I cannot remember, I thought I’d retell the story of my first weekend out on Khao San Road…

It was a warm night in July and 3 lovely ladies decided to have a quiet drink on khao san (see this is the first problem NO-ONE ever just has a quiet drink on Khao San Road)…

It started off with a sangsom bucket, then quickly deteriorated to the point of gaining a rip in my trousers from my knee to my groin easy access and then walking home at 10am with the ripped trousers after staying in some rich girls penthouse suit… The view was fucking amazing (took the photo below)

The night started with a tuk tuk driver who decided to take us to Bangkok’s gay, porn and red light district (grammar is important kids)… The large amount of old middle aged men hanging around what can only be guessed as 20 year old Thai boys and lady boys (YES boys… because they never age!)

So from porn-central we ended back on Khao San road drinking yet more sangsom and then decided to go into a club… this club has a large stage that is a good 4ft off the floor… So think about it.. Me one of the most uncoordinated people EVER and a 4ft stage that requires what can only be labeled as a lunge to get on. All i remember hearing is a ripping sound and thinking that the guy next to me had farted… However, looking down was a rip from the top of the zip to my knee AND I wasn’t exactly wearing the nicest underwear.. Hello Granny pants! (A photo of said trousers will be up next post)

Now, this is the section of the night i make out with the worlds most innopropriate person… Which happened and I gave an 18  (HE WAS LEGAL I CHECKED AFTER LAST TIME!) his first kiss… Proud! The best bit is, he couldn’t turn around and say I was an awful kisser unless he compared me to his mum or weird uncle… So I’ve set  high bar i believe now for the poor kid.

This is my issue with making out with strangers…. Is it me or are kids looking older than they actually are these days?? In the UK it is 18 to get into clubs, but there is a notorious club in my home town that a lot of under aged people used to go to. I went when i was 16.

So one night minding my own business chatting to this MANchild who looked at least 21, he had stubble and everything! NO BUMFLUFF! Turned out the next day when he tried to add me on Facebook he was just about to turn 16…. The HORROR… Worst thing was he thought I was 17?! I don’t really know what is worse to be honest. And because of this scenario and a wonderful friends of mine the nickname  Cradle snatcher stuck for a while, I could see myself now being all over the news… Coventry telegraph here I come!

The rest of that night went in a haze, getting home at 10am walking back with a giant rip in my trousers, ego bruised and having stolen numerous things from this girls hotel room I literally slept the rest of the day and even got a Mc Donalds DELIVERED to my door!

So that’s my wonderful week, it is currently pissing it down, my street is flooded (See below) and all my shoes are ruined!

Speak soon kids, also let me know what you think, ive had some lovely comments off people via email/tsr… find me on twitter… @clarkesince91

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