Finished, fetishes, friday and flooding

IT’S FINISHED!!

It’s finally finished, the tantrums, the kicking the numerous occasions I’ve wanted to write “I want to be a Doctor because i quiet fancy an orgy with most of the cast of Grey’s Anatomy… Yes even you Dr. Bailey you filthy minx” Is unreal…

Clearly her ‘Come Hither’ bedroom eyes

I hate writing personal statements and I’m pretty sure I would last longer in Christian Greys red room of pain… my safe word is strawberry… Without having an inner tantrum, so this was a monumental day.

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Well you might now think, what have i done with the rest of my week.. Let me tell you.

Nothing much at all as I have seemed to have run my body into the ground after 4 weeks of: constant nights out, drinking, dancing, making out with very inappropriate people and very little sleep my body was done… Wednesday morning was like this at work… But add a tramp stamp to the left hand and a full mug of tea.

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PROCRASTINATION = Evil. My ability to work this week has gone out the window, I get distracted so easily this is currently up on my notice board….Steal it, do it! I’m even writing this now at work to avoid doing real work…

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It hasn’t stopped raining or thunder-ing or lightening-ing it for 12 days now, my road is flooded up past my ankles and stinks…. On the bright side Bangkok really is like one big WET T-SHIRT CONTEST… my inner well outer perv is in love with rainy season and the abundance of the population wearing white shirts.

Now since i ended up home on saturday morning at 8am after a heavy night – some of which I cannot remember, I thought I’d retell the story of my first weekend out on Khao San Road…

It was a warm night in July and 3 lovely ladies decided to have a quiet drink on khao san (see this is the first problem NO-ONE ever just has a quiet drink on Khao San Road)…

It started off with a sangsom bucket, then quickly deteriorated to the point of gaining a rip in my trousers from my knee to my groin easy access and then walking home at 10am with the ripped trousers after staying in some rich girls penthouse suit… The view was fucking amazing (took the photo below)

The night started with a tuk tuk driver who decided to take us to Bangkok’s gay, porn and red light district (grammar is important kids)… The large amount of old middle aged men hanging around what can only be guessed as 20 year old Thai boys and lady boys (YES boys… because they never age!)

So from porn-central we ended back on Khao San road drinking yet more sangsom and then decided to go into a club… this club has a large stage that is a good 4ft off the floor… So think about it.. Me one of the most uncoordinated people EVER and a 4ft stage that requires what can only be labeled as a lunge to get on. All i remember hearing is a ripping sound and thinking that the guy next to me had farted… However, looking down was a rip from the top of the zip to my knee AND I wasn’t exactly wearing the nicest underwear.. Hello Granny pants! (A photo of said trousers will be up next post)

Now, this is the section of the night i make out with the worlds most innopropriate person… Which happened and I gave an 18  (HE WAS LEGAL I CHECKED AFTER LAST TIME!) his first kiss… Proud! The best bit is, he couldn’t turn around and say I was an awful kisser unless he compared me to his mum or weird uncle… So I’ve set  high bar i believe now for the poor kid.

This is my issue with making out with strangers…. Is it me or are kids looking older than they actually are these days?? In the UK it is 18 to get into clubs, but there is a notorious club in my home town that a lot of under aged people used to go to. I went when i was 16.

So one night minding my own business chatting to this MANchild who looked at least 21, he had stubble and everything! NO BUMFLUFF! Turned out the next day when he tried to add me on Facebook he was just about to turn 16…. The HORROR… Worst thing was he thought I was 17?! I don’t really know what is worse to be honest. And because of this scenario and a wonderful friends of mine the nickname  Cradle snatcher stuck for a while, I could see myself now being all over the news… Coventry telegraph here I come!

The rest of that night went in a haze, getting home at 10am walking back with a giant rip in my trousers, ego bruised and having stolen numerous things from this girls hotel room I literally slept the rest of the day and even got a Mc Donalds DELIVERED to my door!

So that’s my wonderful week, it is currently pissing it down, my street is flooded (See below) and all my shoes are ruined!

Speak soon kids, also let me know what you think, ive had some lovely comments off people via email/tsr… find me on twitter… @clarkesince91

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dignity 0 – Sangsom bucket cocktail 1

Doing your personal statement? Want to cry? want to kill someone over it?

Just do what I managed to do all weekend: Lose the last remaining shread of my dignity and forget completely about it!

After a pretty chilled week at work where I pretty much did nothing… well i did a fair amount of work with a HEAVY amount of procrastination… youtube i hate you but watching lost girl and greys anatomy was time well spent!

But the personal statement killed me off… Finally finishing the 4000 characters I was celebrating my success, its taken weeks to get it under that, so being proud I send it off to a few people… This is when the shit hit the fan.

I got it back with 5 times as much red on it than black (AKA my own writing), so my mood was dampened, tail between my legs… what I thought was the best thing ever was now a heap of red writing with the words: “Your (not you’re) Grammar is shit!” written at the bottom – Ok may of deserved that a little bit my grammar is shocking!

But still, tail between my legs I sulk out of work and end up on the infamous Khao San Road… Think the Hangover 2, it’s where it was filmed and then night began.

With a deflated ego, my hair finally straight and wearing the jeans that make my ass look great I had a new wave of confidence Ok the Sangsom buckets were a definate help there! (If you dont know what one is google image it!) And there was a lot of willing prey to be found. I do appreciate the human form and yes I am a complete perv, i accept this… It was like being part of a 12 step program, except I don’t go any further than admitting I actually have a problem.

But the downside is; give me a few to drink and I’m the handsey drunk who will hit on anything with a pulse, literally ANYTHING (proud of me yet mother?) 

On the plus side I cannot dance at all, I can only Twat dance… Lets define this:

Twat Dancing: Normally the phenominon by white males and occasionally females, who are so uncoordinated they only dance when drunk, the dancing however takes the form of not giving a crap and dancing like a twat!

So I’m kinda drunk, dancing and this guy (who then later turned out to be a solicitor and the bastard didn’t even buy me a drink!) decides the best way to ‘pull’ is to rub himself on my leg. Here’s a tip guys: Not the best Idea… Kind of repulsive to be honest, even worse when you whisper ‘Don’t touch it or it’ll blow’ and then kiss me and physically bite my lip…

I think someone had been reading this too much…

But this happened with 4 people, including a crazy as in bat shit stalking crazy Thai chick/ladyboy (Not the erection rubbing obviously – well was hard to tell)… Who then spent the night trying to grab me, on the plus side with my ego inflated i strut out the club with a spring in my step, my karma has been restored!

So to sum up the last few days I now have: 2 stalkers, 3 new phone numbers, a bitten lip and a shit personal statement… I hope this will contribute to the characteristic of ‘resilient’ in my medicine applicantion.

So please send me some embarrasing stories otherwise I feel like my family might just begin to disown me slightly…

Now my job gets interesting, more news will be upsoon which involved me flying 30000 miles in a space of 2 months!

there is not enough tea in the world to cure my hangover…. progress is made!

Hey,

Just on the last leg of my working week after spending the weekend in Phuket with my family who came to visit. it was amazing (see the photo of paradise below, i took!) snorkelling, quad biking, diving, sun and a lot of sun burn… 

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Since they have left I have caught up with some friends spending the last 4 nights drinking until about 1am… so the hangover is getting progressively worse throughout the week and my office doesn’t have the gift of PG tips or Twinning tea but really shitty 1 bhat tea, so suffering is an understatement! BUT it won’t stop me going out again tonight! I love bangkok!

Back to the medical school application… so 1 month until i need to have sent it off (15th October) and my personal statement is FINALLY under 4000 characters. The issue is i am not happy with it as i have had to remove so much stuff from it including my NHS experience in emergency planning and response to fit other more important stuff in… So this is the tip for the personal statement.. get as many people to read it from different backgrounds, I’ve so far got 3 Doctors i worked with reading it, a few nurses, friends, a teacher and an admissions tutor, so get it out there! I’m waiting to find out what they think firstly, but also what they believe can be left out. Some aspects of it I am very proud but other i feel i have just had to put them in to tick a few boxes rather than showcase who I am. 

My next project… I worked in Nepal back in June of this year and was involved in the training and implementation of an EEG telemedicine project which i loved! So now I am in collaboration to possibly go to Haiti to spend some time doing the same with a Canadian Doc. Had the first few emails through today so I’m happy as larry to a possible reunion with some friends out there nearly 3 years after I first landed there. 

So i’ve procrastinated long enough at work and I have a very long boring report to finish writing for this afternoon… the joy! I’ve been watching a lot of youtube vlogs at the moment and would love to be good at making that stuff… 

bbyyyyeeee